The Holy Roller's Road is Rocky - Yeah! The Path of the Roller Ain't Smooth - Hell, No! These are the hard won lessons gleaned from my infrequent incursions into the Poorly Remunerated World of the Factotum..or General Dogsbody. Plainly put, it involves Suckin' the Tail-Pipe of some Free Market Jerk-Off just so as he can toss you a pittance at the end of it all. All, in this instance, referring to some meaningless, manual task from which you are almost wholly Alienated!
Today I am newly arrived back into the Bosom of Stoned Holy H.Q subsequent to, once again, performing The Drifter's Escape n Hightailing it outta a Rain Lashed Argyll after some days passed at the sharp end of the Marxist Theory of Surplus Labour! Confused? Don't be - I was mostly to be found with a skillet in hand or popping yet another tray of Unsmoked Streaky into a hot oven. And as I Traversed the Restless Blue Waters that lie between Dunoon & Gourock I cast my eye across Landscapes Picaresque and fell into Pluvial Reveries.
Ah Argyll! Land of the Gael. Dalriada of Old. A Daisied Headland Combed by Salt-Laden Winds. A Land almost entirely fashioned from Hills heavy in Rowan & Pine, Cross-Hatched with Sea n Freshwater Lochs. The Southermost corner of Scotland's Over-Romanticised Highlands.....
Now, being an Unceasing Champion of Reason & Rationalism, one could be more Objective, but seeing as this isn't a column in a Scientific Journal, I feel at liberty to tell you Fine Fellows of the CyberNetherWorld, that I was, most verily, not in the Romantic Heelans at aw! Rather, I was in a Miles-From-Anywhere, Pokey, Presbyterian Shithole....& it was fucking Pissing Down! Still, one is where one finds oneself to be in this oh so short life we live. The Thing is to Buckle Down & Knuckle Under, Pull yir Socks Up n Make the Most of it....and oh aye, remember to bring yir Raincoat if you happen to make landfall in Argyllshire!
How they managed to Squeeeeze out a Way of Life in the Past in this Midge-Infested, Rain Sodden Dump is anyone's guess. Mind you, looking around The Globe, it strikes the S t o n e d H o l y B l o g g e r in no way surprising that there's little Pockets of Scotland dotted just about everywhere on the map. They simply couldnae wait to get the hell ooty here to find Newfoundlands n Wide Undisturbed Expanses to fill with their Mewling & Puking Bairns!
Y'see Scotland's High Lands are fine on Biscuit Tins & Packets of Shortie but when you come right down to it, the only thing it ever gave it's Highlanders of Times Past was a life of Back-Breakin' Toil on it's Hard, Uncompromising Geography. Gazing upon Lichen Fringed Boughs and Mossy Banks gave me the Inkling that the Rocky n Barren, Windswept n Rain-Battered Prospects of Caledonia cleared a lot more people from her hillsides than Cumberland's Pitiless Battalions or profit hungry, 'Modernising' Clan Chiefs looking for somewhere to put their wooly flocks. We're no' talking Fertile Crescents here after all and there's no way life expectancy coulda been that high. It simply must have been one of those rare Sunshiny days when this Corner of Creation does indeed look a Green & Pleasant land when the Scions of Scota first trudged ashore after their short sailing from their Hibernian Heartland and decided, for reasons known only to themselves, to hang about! But still, by no means, an Aboriginal Eden!
Maybe these Historical Notions subtly coloured my perceptions as I stared out the window at the dripping, wildly overgrown garden. Mist shrouded the tops of Leaden Hills. Unremitting Raindrops united with the Dark Waters of Loch Awe. Scattered Dwellings on Hillside & by Lochside sat sullenly in the deluge. Distant cars disappeared, engulfed by Hungry Hills. The lochs were Deep Gouges chiselled out by ice now filled to the brim in melt-water....maybe they were the Romantic Heelans after all!
What Watery Mysteries hide there in the nooks n crannies n crevices. Rills Cascaded down the dreichit cheeks of Weatherbeaten Hillsides standing Tall & Telling Tales of Ages Past & Wintry Blasts, Stories of Summer Storms & Campfires Warm, Whispers of Secret Trysts & Murky Mists. Who could resist the temptation to flirt with Melancholia whilst looking at those Bens n Braes, silent in the drizzle?
Ah wiz soaked to the core, it seems, my Heart chilled with Mountain Air....
& this wiz the Fuckin' Summer Still!!
What Depths a Temperament like mine would be Washed down to in Winter in a place such as that, I don't know! Best not Tempt Fate, Gentle Readers. Must remember to make a mental note - Never Travel North After October!!
Sunday 28 August 2011
Tuesday 23 August 2011
RocknRoLLercOmMuNiCATionBuZZ!!
....and once more, Worldwidepeepers of the Glowing Screen, it's yir StonedHolyBlogger in Residence
a-tap-tap-tappin' away at the keyboard for the want of finding something to do and filling some more of my seconds & minutes and distracting my fevered mind from the Godless Desert of Time & Space currently Howling round our Cerulean Island Planet Home!
So here I am, breaking down words into syllables and phonemes and building them up anew with these handy little symbols we group together and call an Alphabet. Of course, the written down or, in this instance, keyboard hammered oot, English Language presents difficulties, seeing as it's so Melontwistingly Unphonetic. But ahma Native speaker and an A-Grade Swot so it's no problem for me...although if yi heard ma native speech yi might no think so! But it's exactly because every language must sound like so much Foolish
Blah-Blah-Blah to Folks who use another one that this Alphabet mallarkey comes in so damn handy.
Through a closer scrutiny of The StonedHolyBlogger's Vernacular Manglings of 'proper' English and his Demotic Stylings on screen & page we can, I hope, begin to discern just why those Phoenicians of Yore were some Smart Cookies when they first realised their language could be hammered down to consonnants & vowels & subsequently started started scribbling down their Alephs & Beths on papyrus.
Quite how the Chinese manage with their huge, unwieldy store of ideograms & symbols keeps me awake at night, I can tell you! If you've ever seen a Chinese Typewriter you'll know exactly what I mean! Maybeez it is, they should take the plunge and switch over to an Alphabet of their own. Since the Turks under Ataturk managed just that in the 1920's, I believe it's not too late. Japanese Syllabaries, be it Hiragana or Katakana or Kanji or whatever the hell else they've got, are an improvement of sorts but problems remain.
So it is, the StonedHolyBlogger beseeches you ; surely you see that when it comes to capturing a Mouthful of Air, an Alphabet is the only sensible way to go. Then again, let us curtail these brief ponderings on modes of Transcribing Speech with the Realisation that whatever system your Education & Cultural Heritage has Bequeathed unto you matters not, for ultimately they are but attempts to represent something we learn to do as mere infants ; Talk!
Yes, all this Typrewritercraziness exists because ahma Virtual Blabbermouth...and I ain't even runnin on Chemical Speed! Ah could tap away here at great length about Speech as that which defines us as
Human-Type-hombres but why bother. The StonedHolyBlogger's Medium may not be The Message but why feel the need to explain further. The rocknrollercommunicationbuzz gets into yir Bloodstream quicker and has a Sexier 4/4 Beat! It has been said that Rock N Roll is a Dangerous Thing - A Little Revolution with a Sexual Swing! Couldn't agree more....of course, it wiz me that said it but you will understand more fully once you realise that although Music is of the Ether it's Resonances can still be Profound, it's Vibrations Effecting!
Words Tapped out for Cyber-Readers are one thing but NEVER, NEVER Cyberpeepers, lose sight of the Fact that they are a Mighty Bloodless Substitute for StonedHolyRollers in the Round & Firm & Fully Packed Three Dimensional Reality where 3 or 4 Minds can Crack!!
Ahv typed enough for now, amigos. Bon Chance! Viel Spass! Over n Oot!
a-tap-tap-tappin' away at the keyboard for the want of finding something to do and filling some more of my seconds & minutes and distracting my fevered mind from the Godless Desert of Time & Space currently Howling round our Cerulean Island Planet Home!
So here I am, breaking down words into syllables and phonemes and building them up anew with these handy little symbols we group together and call an Alphabet. Of course, the written down or, in this instance, keyboard hammered oot, English Language presents difficulties, seeing as it's so Melontwistingly Unphonetic. But ahma Native speaker and an A-Grade Swot so it's no problem for me...although if yi heard ma native speech yi might no think so! But it's exactly because every language must sound like so much Foolish
Blah-Blah-Blah to Folks who use another one that this Alphabet mallarkey comes in so damn handy.
Through a closer scrutiny of The StonedHolyBlogger's Vernacular Manglings of 'proper' English and his Demotic Stylings on screen & page we can, I hope, begin to discern just why those Phoenicians of Yore were some Smart Cookies when they first realised their language could be hammered down to consonnants & vowels & subsequently started started scribbling down their Alephs & Beths on papyrus.
Quite how the Chinese manage with their huge, unwieldy store of ideograms & symbols keeps me awake at night, I can tell you! If you've ever seen a Chinese Typewriter you'll know exactly what I mean! Maybeez it is, they should take the plunge and switch over to an Alphabet of their own. Since the Turks under Ataturk managed just that in the 1920's, I believe it's not too late. Japanese Syllabaries, be it Hiragana or Katakana or Kanji or whatever the hell else they've got, are an improvement of sorts but problems remain.
So it is, the StonedHolyBlogger beseeches you ; surely you see that when it comes to capturing a Mouthful of Air, an Alphabet is the only sensible way to go. Then again, let us curtail these brief ponderings on modes of Transcribing Speech with the Realisation that whatever system your Education & Cultural Heritage has Bequeathed unto you matters not, for ultimately they are but attempts to represent something we learn to do as mere infants ; Talk!
Yes, all this Typrewritercraziness exists because ahma Virtual Blabbermouth...and I ain't even runnin on Chemical Speed! Ah could tap away here at great length about Speech as that which defines us as
Human-Type-hombres but why bother. The StonedHolyBlogger's Medium may not be The Message but why feel the need to explain further. The rocknrollercommunicationbuzz gets into yir Bloodstream quicker and has a Sexier 4/4 Beat! It has been said that Rock N Roll is a Dangerous Thing - A Little Revolution with a Sexual Swing! Couldn't agree more....of course, it wiz me that said it but you will understand more fully once you realise that although Music is of the Ether it's Resonances can still be Profound, it's Vibrations Effecting!
Words Tapped out for Cyber-Readers are one thing but NEVER, NEVER Cyberpeepers, lose sight of the Fact that they are a Mighty Bloodless Substitute for StonedHolyRollers in the Round & Firm & Fully Packed Three Dimensional Reality where 3 or 4 Minds can Crack!!
Ahv typed enough for now, amigos. Bon Chance! Viel Spass! Over n Oot!
Monday 15 August 2011
Typewriter Fumblings & Computer Rumblings!
Just thought I'd flex my keyboard muscles somewhat and polish up on my secretarial skills with more inane Ruminations & Fulminations for you, the good People of CyberUnRealityWorld. Not quite Kerouacstyle Kickwritin on a Roll or Kelmanesque Streams of Consciousness flowing down the Great Western Roads of your Dreams but Marc Ribot & his Cubanos Postizos are jumpin outta the old media player and so the rockin vibrations are with us and I'm feelin invigorated, so let's get on our dancin shoes and go. The auspices are good and the Night is ours, I'm sure of it!
Verily, The Stonedholyblogger operates best under cover of darkness. A virtual Back Door Man. When everybody is a-tryin to sleep, I'm out there makin ma midnight bloggin creep....& every damn, miserable, rainy morning when the rooster crows, something tells me I gots to go! Apologies to Mr. Willie Dixon but the Blogger's gotta tell it like it is! The Dark is central to the Alchemy of Rock N Roll. Whether it's Cro-Magnon Camp Fires neath the Majestic Night Sky in all it's nonlightpolluted glory, bejewelled with Studs of Fire or, in an evolutionary blink of a Monkey Man's Eye, a dingy yet cosy, intimate yet anonymous space lit sparingly, this is where the Voodoo Rhythms and Neolithic Jungle Juice can seep into your bones and light up your Body Electric! Bang, Bang, Monkey Drum, Boom-Bang! And the Night, with it's legions of unanswerable questions, is vanquished. Herein lies the Source From Whence Rock Draws it's Primal Force. Maybeez, I'm gettin Shakespearean on your ass, Gentle Reader but my Couplet Rings True, does it not.. Know it is ever thus!
Unfortunately this Magic tends not to travel well along Broadband Highways that Terminate in a Million Flickering Screens where Understimulated Minds & yet, perversely, Over-Stimulated Brains flit incessantly left & right, demanding then devouring Visual Stimuli.....but what's a Stoned Holy Preacher of Love to do?!?!
If just one person screenstaring out there someplace in computerland is motivated to check out the Real Deal, 3-Dimensional, Mindcrack that is the Holy Flesh & Holy Blood of The StonedHolyRockinRollin Experience Thang, then all will have been Turned To The Good & Ma Typewriter Fingers will have been Vindicated! WorldWideWebbers everywhere, I cast my Electric-Message-in-a-Bottle into these vast Computer Oceans in the Hope that YOU will find it washed up amongst the Flotsam on CyberBeaches unknown & RESPOND!!
We Live As We Dream - Alone....but this Life Can Be A Gas.....so Strike Your Match...BOOOOOM!!
The Word is out there - The Word is L O V E ! ! !
Verily, The Stonedholyblogger operates best under cover of darkness. A virtual Back Door Man. When everybody is a-tryin to sleep, I'm out there makin ma midnight bloggin creep....& every damn, miserable, rainy morning when the rooster crows, something tells me I gots to go! Apologies to Mr. Willie Dixon but the Blogger's gotta tell it like it is! The Dark is central to the Alchemy of Rock N Roll. Whether it's Cro-Magnon Camp Fires neath the Majestic Night Sky in all it's nonlightpolluted glory, bejewelled with Studs of Fire or, in an evolutionary blink of a Monkey Man's Eye, a dingy yet cosy, intimate yet anonymous space lit sparingly, this is where the Voodoo Rhythms and Neolithic Jungle Juice can seep into your bones and light up your Body Electric! Bang, Bang, Monkey Drum, Boom-Bang! And the Night, with it's legions of unanswerable questions, is vanquished. Herein lies the Source From Whence Rock Draws it's Primal Force. Maybeez, I'm gettin Shakespearean on your ass, Gentle Reader but my Couplet Rings True, does it not.. Know it is ever thus!
Unfortunately this Magic tends not to travel well along Broadband Highways that Terminate in a Million Flickering Screens where Understimulated Minds & yet, perversely, Over-Stimulated Brains flit incessantly left & right, demanding then devouring Visual Stimuli.....but what's a Stoned Holy Preacher of Love to do?!?!
If just one person screenstaring out there someplace in computerland is motivated to check out the Real Deal, 3-Dimensional, Mindcrack that is the Holy Flesh & Holy Blood of The StonedHolyRockinRollin Experience Thang, then all will have been Turned To The Good & Ma Typewriter Fingers will have been Vindicated! WorldWideWebbers everywhere, I cast my Electric-Message-in-a-Bottle into these vast Computer Oceans in the Hope that YOU will find it washed up amongst the Flotsam on CyberBeaches unknown & RESPOND!!
We Live As We Dream - Alone....but this Life Can Be A Gas.....so Strike Your Match...BOOOOOM!!
The Word is out there - The Word is L O V E ! ! !
Wednesday 10 August 2011
Prithee, Your Indulgence, Good Fellows!
Good Day to all you Screen-Starers out there in CyberUnRealityWorld! If you have, in the course of your peregrinations through cyberspace, inadvertently stumbled upon the Stoned Holy Roller's Heaven sent Blog of Pulpit-Style Ravings, you're probably thinking it all appears somewhat amateurish, if not downright tawdry, a little bit 'thin' in terms of content - And you, oh most discerning viewer, would be right!
Stoned Holy Rollers are so last century, it's true, but we are endeavouring, most earnestly, to rectify matters. The rarified atmosphere of the Blogosphere is all new to us, so our hope is you can cut us a bit of virtual slack whilst we acclimatise ourselves to our Brave New World surroundings.
Unfortunately, the Real World does have the rather nasty habit of interfering in this process with it's insistent, if not downright incessant, demands upon one's Time & Wallet! Carpet Cleaner doesnae buy itself after all!
Herman Melville once claimed you could write the Gospels anew and still be forced to live in the gutter and Stoned Holy Rollers are, as we speak, engaged in somewhat demeaning and soul-destroying menial tasks in their alternate lives as Downtrodden Wage Slaves tossed Hither & Thither upon cruel Free Market Capitalist Seas!
So, it's your indulgence we crave....if not the odd bob or two if you catch us on the street, rockin' pavements! We do hope to improve our blogging skills in the weeks & months ahead & hopefully provide you massed screen-starers out there with an entertaining titbit or two to enliven your worldwideweb experience.
This Life can be a Gas. Strike Your Match. Ka-Boooom!!
This is yir Friendly, Neighbourhood StonedHolyBlogger signing off....
Over N Oot Fur The Noo!
Stoned Holy Rollers are so last century, it's true, but we are endeavouring, most earnestly, to rectify matters. The rarified atmosphere of the Blogosphere is all new to us, so our hope is you can cut us a bit of virtual slack whilst we acclimatise ourselves to our Brave New World surroundings.
Unfortunately, the Real World does have the rather nasty habit of interfering in this process with it's insistent, if not downright incessant, demands upon one's Time & Wallet! Carpet Cleaner doesnae buy itself after all!
Herman Melville once claimed you could write the Gospels anew and still be forced to live in the gutter and Stoned Holy Rollers are, as we speak, engaged in somewhat demeaning and soul-destroying menial tasks in their alternate lives as Downtrodden Wage Slaves tossed Hither & Thither upon cruel Free Market Capitalist Seas!
So, it's your indulgence we crave....if not the odd bob or two if you catch us on the street, rockin' pavements! We do hope to improve our blogging skills in the weeks & months ahead & hopefully provide you massed screen-starers out there with an entertaining titbit or two to enliven your worldwideweb experience.
This Life can be a Gas. Strike Your Match. Ka-Boooom!!
This is yir Friendly, Neighbourhood StonedHolyBlogger signing off....
Over N Oot Fur The Noo!
Tuesday 9 August 2011
Welcome To Some Kick-Ass Stoned Holy Bloggin'!
OK Pop-Pickers, bare with me awhile....this is yir resident Stoned Holy Blogger gettin' tae grips with these wonderful, shiny, new technological interfaces & postin the first of what will be an infrequent peek at life in the rock n roll slow lane, a furtive glance backstage or, if you will, a surreptitious perusal of the dreary scribblings inside the diary of a Pop-Slop Nobody!
Now, being somewhat tardy in our response to the ever evolving tinternet possibilities, we have, as you see, only just launched our sorry, collective arse into this blogosphere mallarkey and committed ourselves to actually writing something. Being Rock n Roll layabouts and generally averse to committment of any kind we do hope you, dear reader, fully appreciate the fact that this goes somewhat against the Stoned Holy Grain!! So, apologies if you've scoured these vistas before expecting to find us and been met only with a screen telling you 'No Result' but we do hereby pledge to make good on these discrepancies.
We're still not entirely sure of what in the hell it is we're meant to be doing here but I'll maybe just continue tapping away at the keyboard n believing that somebody out there in the vast n empty dustbowl of cyberspace will read my meagre offerings. We are, it seems, virtual Crusoes ; marooned amonst the vast to-ing & fro-ing of digital information. And since it is human contact we crave, please, dear reader, press your footprint into our sandy shore and let us know there is a Friday too on this, our Godforsaken Blogging Island Home!
Drop us a line, ask us a question. Not only are we, Stoned Holy Band of Rolling Brothers, versed and indeed, most learned in the ways of Rock n Roll G-Spot Tornado detection & stimulation, we can also hold our own on subjects as diverse and interesting as the Red Army's crushing of the Kronstadt Soviet and the Hibs 1st choice Eleven during the Turnbull's Tornadoes era! Surprisingly enough, we are fashion gurus, to a fashion and can offer advice about what to wear and when. Gardening Tips are also provided Gratis, if you are perchance, looking for information on how to divide your herbaceous perennials. There are, I'm sure you will find, so many strings to our Holy Rolling Bow!
'Coyness' as some wag from Manchester once noted 'is nice...But coyness can stop you from saying all the things in life you'd like to!' We at Stoned Holy H.Q couldn't agree more with those sage words and we are most eager to inform you, good peoples of worldwidewebness, that there are, verily, no prizes for keeping yir gobhole firmly shut in this life. So Amigos, get busy with the fizzy and knock us out a message!.....Life's a Gas...Ain't It....So Strike Your Match... Booooooom!!
Salutations. Over n Oot.
Now, being somewhat tardy in our response to the ever evolving tinternet possibilities, we have, as you see, only just launched our sorry, collective arse into this blogosphere mallarkey and committed ourselves to actually writing something. Being Rock n Roll layabouts and generally averse to committment of any kind we do hope you, dear reader, fully appreciate the fact that this goes somewhat against the Stoned Holy Grain!! So, apologies if you've scoured these vistas before expecting to find us and been met only with a screen telling you 'No Result' but we do hereby pledge to make good on these discrepancies.
We're still not entirely sure of what in the hell it is we're meant to be doing here but I'll maybe just continue tapping away at the keyboard n believing that somebody out there in the vast n empty dustbowl of cyberspace will read my meagre offerings. We are, it seems, virtual Crusoes ; marooned amonst the vast to-ing & fro-ing of digital information. And since it is human contact we crave, please, dear reader, press your footprint into our sandy shore and let us know there is a Friday too on this, our Godforsaken Blogging Island Home!
Drop us a line, ask us a question. Not only are we, Stoned Holy Band of Rolling Brothers, versed and indeed, most learned in the ways of Rock n Roll G-Spot Tornado detection & stimulation, we can also hold our own on subjects as diverse and interesting as the Red Army's crushing of the Kronstadt Soviet and the Hibs 1st choice Eleven during the Turnbull's Tornadoes era! Surprisingly enough, we are fashion gurus, to a fashion and can offer advice about what to wear and when. Gardening Tips are also provided Gratis, if you are perchance, looking for information on how to divide your herbaceous perennials. There are, I'm sure you will find, so many strings to our Holy Rolling Bow!
'Coyness' as some wag from Manchester once noted 'is nice...But coyness can stop you from saying all the things in life you'd like to!' We at Stoned Holy H.Q couldn't agree more with those sage words and we are most eager to inform you, good peoples of worldwidewebness, that there are, verily, no prizes for keeping yir gobhole firmly shut in this life. So Amigos, get busy with the fizzy and knock us out a message!.....Life's a Gas...Ain't It....So Strike Your Match... Booooooom!!
Salutations. Over n Oot.
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