CRAZY ARMS

Yes, I know, I said I wisnae poppin' ma Stoned Holy Heid above the parapet until Chrimbo had shot it's materialistic bolt or fizzled oot in a dyspeptic and alcoholic fug but the snell blasts of December have blown in some Blue Notes & Black News for aw us hiding oot n cloistered here at Stoned Holy HQ! Sad Tidings not Glad Tidings!
Not 'A King is Born' but 'A King is Dead! Ray Price, King of the Honky Tonks is Deid!!

I was loathe tae emerge frae under the Stoned Holy Bedspread this morning, detecting a distinct chill in the air, not by reading the plummeting thermometer but by the tried n tested methodology of stickin' a foot out of the aforementioned bedpsread's cosy embrace..but Ray Price is Deid!..so Ah felt obliged tae haul ma sorry carcass up outta bed just so as I could pen a few lines : not to mourn his passing - we aw peg oot eventually after all! - but to salute the man and his music, which has a hallowed berth in the cockles of the Stoned Holy Heart and on the Stoned Holy Juke-Box!!

Ahm no here, people, tae tell yi how he boarded n boozed wi Hank Williams and, after life had leaked out of Hank in the back of the cadillac on Highway 31, he inherited his band The Drifting Cowboys and blah blah blah.....or detail how Ray Price took country music by the scruff of it's red n sunburnt neck and rocked it like never before with a beat they called The Ray Price Shuffle....or tell of how he then went on to redefine Country Music for a second time with the orchestral arrangements of 'Countrypolitan'.....no, ahm just here tae doff ma hat in acknowledgement of a Stoned Holy Roller gone before us; a man who's place at the very top o the heap in the midden that is Country Music has been unjustly filled by the likes of  the pompous showbiz excess of Garth 'too fat to fly' Brooks or the ridiculous mythologising, nay canonisation, surrounding Johnny 'flat as a pancake' Cash !! Not good enough tae shine Ray's cowboy boots, neither of them!!

Anyway, being an avowed atheist, this small tribute shall be free of claptrap about how he's gone to a better place or he's looking down on us from Hillbilly Heaven - I'll leave those cliches tae others. It matters not a jot that Ray Price is singing with the angels. But, please join us, here at  Stoned Holy HQ, in raising a glass tae a man who's contribution to Country Music, the true Red Dirt Soul of America, is immeasurable. Let's remember Ray at his very best, with the Cherokee Cowboys behind him and that big, booming baritone singing songs of heartbreak and longing like few others before or after!! "Now Blue Ain't the Word for the Way that I Feel...."


 

Ray Price 1926 - 2013

B is for....BOZO!!!

Yes, I know I'm supposed to be in Self-Imposed Hibernation, tucked safely away from the Multitudinous Irritants & Botherations that constitute so much of 21st Century Living, in the innermost recesses of the Stoned Holy Penthouse......but I have been Disturbed from my Stoned Holy Dozings, Stirred from these Stoned Holy Snoozings after being irked by the Blundering Bombast of London's own Bungling Bozo, Boris Johnson! For the Bungling Buffoonery of this Blabbermouthed Baboon has been causing a Brouhaha!!

"The Forces of Evil in a Bozo Nightmare"

But just where do you start with a Brainless Bonehead like Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson? One wonders firstly how on God's Good Earth it was ever made possible for this village idiot of a man to have become the Mayor of London! In the Blue-Rinsed & Blue Rosetted Ranks of the Conservative Party it is believed it is because he has 'the common touch', charisma even, and this could also guarantee them success in the polls if he were party leader and subsequently - Heaven Help Us! - Prime Minister; The
S t O n E d h o l Y B l o g g Er, on the other hand, believes this is the kind of fucked up Frankenstein scenario created by the naivety and credulity of a politically unsophisticated and aliterate populace! Recognition of Boris the Bungling Blockhead from off the telly must have counted in his favour when it came time to voting against the congestion charge!!....there can be no other plausible explanation, surely!


But just this week Boris has been opening the yawning black cavern that is his mouth and letting the empty chamber that exists within his brain-casing reverberate in this year's Annual Margaret Thatcher Lecture (heaven forbid that such an aberration exists but, I'm saddened and appalled to report, it seems 'tis so!!). And, it was here, that Boris the Bozo told us all that 'Greed is Good' again and we shouldn't be ashamed of it. Everyone knows it's the only motivator of mankind that cuts the monetary mustard! So, all you budding Gordon Gekkoes out there, time to emerge from those boardrooms where you've been skulking and flash it n flaunt it.....this will engender envy which will be the spur of more enrichening economic activity!! And, what's more, inequality in society merely mirrors the inequality of Nature - so no need to worry about all them poor, stupid people who can't pass an IQ Test or remember the way to the Job Centre!  All those thick, stupid oinks with IQ's below 85 at the bottom of the Great Cornflakes Packet of Society (to use Boris' rather confused metaphor) should be ever so grateful for the crumbs of largesse tossed their way by the bright, intelligent ones (like him presumably!) who people the shining Palaces of Banking & Business within the City of London. These people create wealth don't you know...and then it trickles doon tae the reaches of where us poor bottom-feeders, writhing in the uneducated, proletarian ooze, can suck it up and take the bus to the nearest food-bank!

Bunkum! Balderdash!! Bollocks!!! 

Can this Burly, Braying Ass really believe his Brand of Bumbling Bumptiousness can deliver the keys to Number 10?!?! Can this Eton educated chump's flaxen topped excuse for a head really be so far up his Fat, Stinking, Tory Shit-Pipe that he fails to see he's doing a better job than the Labour Party in exposing what a Morally Bereft & Ideologically Bankrupt Bunch of Bastards he and his Party of Elitists and Self-Serving Money-Grubbers really are?!?! Ah, such is the nature of Hubris!! No wonder then that the Towering Intellects that make up the Cabinet are already distancing themselves from his comments. Perchance some Intellectual Giant has already taken this loathsome oaf aside and informed him quietly that IQ tests prove nothing other than how good you are at IQ tests!!

Perchance in some Parallel Universe, where the Laws of Reason & Rationality hold sway, the shameful inequalities created by a system built on Exploitation, Greed and Profiteering and bolstered by an education system fed on Wealth, Class and Privilege simply don't exist and the good peoples who are fortunate enough to live in this happy dimension never have to listen to the Barefaced Belchings of idiots like Boris 'Bobo' Johnson, or watch in disgust as he puffs out his chest and Blatantly displays his Infantile and Sordid Ambitions!! If this is so, the S t o n e D H o l Y B l o G G e r can only damn his accursed luck for existing in the universe where this moron was, no doubt, applauded by his audience for his lamentable Hee-Hawings!!

Well, now that that's off ma chest....I guess it's time to retreat once more from the Vagaries & Vulgarities....oh goodness, I see lights a-twinkling and hear sleigh bells a-jingling......oh, is that the sound of Roy Wood & Noddy Holder on a fukn loop-tape?!?! Time tae duck doon the alleyway lookin for a new friend...or jump doon a manhole n light masel a candle........ you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows ahm reliably informed!  Ahm outta here.......until next time, Lads n Lassies!!  


  

Ho! Ho! Ho! - Oh, No! No! No!!

"Aw Hell....its....."

Whilst the S T o N e d h o l Y B l o g g e R  is wrapped within the Sleepy Vale of Night, sleeping like a newborn in swaddling 'neath the cosy protection of the Stoned Holy Winceyette, my dreams are untroubled, floating on gossamer strands of psychedelic wackiness and everyday surrealism! But not so my waking hours!!

You may well imagine the s T O n E D H o l y b l o g G E r  incarcerated within the Dickensian austerity that pervades the bare and echoing chambers of Stoned Holy HQ, opining to himself  "Oh, Knowledge; Why Didst thou Come to Wound and Not to Cure!"........but fret not! For although I do spend an inordinate amount of time in acrimonious recollection I do manage to divert myself from these fruitless philosophizations with cryptic crosswords, pictures of nekkit wimmen on the Tinternet and baking scones! (What's that you say? A JOB? Heaven Forfend!!)........but B'Jaysus,was it not just yestreen whilst peering through the 'Devil's Windae' at Japanese lovelies in various states of undress and savouring a Stoned Holy Scone, fresh from the Stoned Holy Oven n hoochin' wi creamy Scottish butter, that the efficacy of these hereto mentioned diversions was found to wane somewhat and I came to reflecting on the inexorable Tick of Time - "Nae Man can Tether Time nor Tide" as the Great Robbie Burns once put it -  T'was then a realisation sneaked up on me from the rear and kicked me in a manner rather rude in the seat o ma Stoned Holy Britches!!

                          Aw Hell.......it's that time again!!

That time o year when aw the Beaten Down & Dejected Ones; aw the Broken Down & Disaffected Ones; aw the Skinflints, Cheapskates & Pinchpennies; aw the Lonely Hearts, the Lovelorn n Loveless get to trouble the Starry Heavens with their bootless cries as they and everybody else are, like it or not, subjected, once again, to the Gaudy, Brash, Tasteless, Venal Free-Market onslaught of......

CHRISTMAS!!

Yip, it's Chrimbo! And before yi say it.....Yes! I know it's the middle of November.....but please not to shoot the messenger......and prithee, what news?
Well, it's not so much glad tidings of comfort n joy, that's for sure! More of a Brutish, Boorish & Blundering Scrum of Desperate Consumers looking for Something....Anything!!  A Mass! A Mob! A Swarm! A Surge!

Now, lemme tell ya, Users n Abusers o the Blogosphere, despite having read ma Gramsci n being boned up on ma 'Philosophy of Praxis', I have to admit to being somewhat conflicted when considering any crowdings of Humankind. In theory I yearn to be assimilated into the thronging mob of dissentors n righteously indignant ones clamouring for change and not afraid tae lob some chunks of masonry at the dupes n stooges of the Police force to prove it!.....but, in reality, after a lifetime spent with my nose pressed firmly to the windae pane looking in, I am somewhat wary of anything that is 'doing' rather than 'observing'! So more than likely I'd be the shadowy figure skulking round the perimeter of any crowd and any shit hitting any fan!!

Chrimbo illustrates this point rather well. As an army of shoppers crowd the shining outlets of vacuous consumerism I find myself retreating ever further from such Swellings & Heavings! If my dismal career in Pop-Slop had followed the mercurial path I had dreamed of once and success had filled my bank account with readies, Chrimbo would be the time of year when I would bid farewell to my native shores and make for distant horizons. Somewhere where the sun was shining and sexy Christmas pixies in red lingerie & high heels could serve me my egg-nog and mince pies poolside! 

Alas, these are idle fancies and here it is I find myself once more in a state of penury with no escape in sight from the Ghastly n Glistening Baubles of the Chrimbo Bubble! And every year now, it seems, outstrips the shameful excesses of the one proceeding it. So it is, with just these kind of thoughts swimming round the Stoned Holy Noodle Box, I have decided to hermetically seal myself away from outside agencies in the Stoned Holy Hermitage!  I intend not to emerge until the nightmare is over. I'll see yiz aw on the other side o December.......Happy Holidays! Good Luck....yiz'll need it!!

In Defence of Russell Brand.....Ahm Voting YES!!

Just back in the hoose after a wee bit 'guisin' - oh the ignominies an impoverished Rock n Roll Genius has to go through tae earn a bob or two!! I have to tell you the 'guisin' didnae go well....I don't think the locals appreciated my a-capella rendition of 'Clash City Rockers'! Now, a man, even yin who's stony broke, can only take so many doors slammed in his face before he begins to discern the game's up the pole, so in a fit of malcontent I opted instead tae turn over a few bairns and asset strip them off their Halloween takings......this didnae go so well either ; my escape from the angry mob of enraged parents was only effected by lying low in a thicket of brambles for half an hour and then making a dash across Carrick Knowe Golf Course in the murky dark, dodging witches n bogles n teenage ne'er-do-wells smoking blow!! And tae think, ma rightful place is sitting next to wankers like Bono at an endless stream of Award Ceremonies, quaffing free booze whilst various hangers-on and groupies tell me how cool I am!!

Anywayz, aw that's by the by, so whilst my heart rate lowers I thought I'd Ruminate & Belly Ache aboot matters abroad in the cultural ether of Her Majesty's Sinking Ship Britannia ; what aboot yon Russell Brand! I must say at the off that I consider Mr. Brand to be about as funny as a kick in the hee-haws but find myself firmly in the camp of those who agree with him and his contentious remarks regarding voting in the latest 'New Statesman'.  I also thought his performance on 'Newsnight' was stellar in the face of Paxman's churlishness. Tae a dyed-in-the-wool outsider like the
S t O N E d H o l y b L o G G e r who has spent most of his dreary existence on the periphery of artistic inclusion and economic opportunity, I found Mr. Brands statements about disillusionment, disenfranchisement & despondency to be a pretty obvious statement of fact.....so also, I suspect for a sizable chunk of those who have grown up and reached voting age as Margaret Thatcher's and then Tony Blair's ideological shift to the right, created the Britain of today.

As the ideological jackboot of 'Neo-Liberalism' and the insanity of Friedman style economics continues to sell us down the river to the highest bidder and Britain is pickpocketed by thieves and con-men, is it any wonder that people think turning up every five years to make a mark on a piece of paper isn't really gonna solve the problems they face day to day?! It ain't Democracy, is it?....not by a long chalk!! As corruptions are exposed and the 'people at the top' (y'know the ones, the ones who traditionally commanded respect from the poorly educated and unhygienic riff-raff like me n you!) are revealed as money grubbers and swindlers, can it really come as a surprise that people are thinking 'what's the fukn point of voting for any of 'em'!! Yes, of course, the establishment likes the apathy and brainless cynicism ; it means they don't have to work at courting votes, but why should I or you have to vote for anyone who doesn't really represent what you think but is merely less of a dimwit than the other tosser?? Democracy?? Methinks NOT, hombre!! Robert Webb can tell everyone he's rejoined the Labour Party and scream about George Orwell and concentration camps but this doesn't cut the mustard as a coherent response in my book. Embarrassing, really! Interesting to see what Russell makes of it........

In this age of Information Superhighways & Tinternet Cyber-Communities, is 650 dullards, liars, pocket-liners and cheats sitting in a room in central London really the best we can do in representing 'the people'?!?! Is a room full of thieves and self-seeking careerists Democracy in action? Is a Parliament of public schoolboys sniping at each other like,,,welll...errrr...schoolboys really the best on offer?! Is our '1st Past the Post' election system really serving the people or merely propping up an ossified structure of authority woefully out of step with  the Britain happening outside it's Neo-Gothic walls and utterly disinterested in its camp costume dramas and mediaeval pantomimes?!?! Is 750 arse lickers, pensioned off Old Boys and out-of-touch and out-of-date Lords & Lords Spiritual in our 2nd Chamber Democracy at it best??!! Is a system that has at it's head someone who's semi-mythical power is based on hereditary and who's been fucking who for centuries past really something to we can proudly show off to the world?!?!

Speaking as someone who, like Mr. Brand, has never voted in his life, I have to tell you that I will most assuredly be crawling outta the woodwork to exercise my democratic prerogative next September to put a big, fat, fukn tick in the box marked YES for Scottish Independence!!  I have a idea that we can do a better job than Westminster of constructing a nation where people feel included, a society that affords all its citizens social justice and a democracy where people feel their voice can be heard. This get out clause is unfortunately one not open to Russell Brand but I'd like to think he's welcome to come and live in a Scotland where a voice as eloquent and impassioned as his own could make a difference. We stand at a vital crossroads not only for ourselves but for future generations; maybe that 'Revolution in Consciousness' that Russell spoke so cogently of can be the motivation behind voting for the 1st time and voting YES!......and realising we can leave tired old established orders behind and create new paradigms!!!

Who was it that said 

"Thoughts Can Set You Traps

Down Blind Alleyways & Cul-de-Sacs

...but Minds can Learn - Minds can Grow

Minds can Overturn & Overthrow the Frame!!

Oh, whae widah thocht it......IT WIZ ME!!! Did Ah mention Ahma Rock n Roll Genius?!?!

http://www.yesscotland.net

http://nationalcollective.com

Tomorrow's Fish n Chip Paper!

Well, my Blogging Muchachos, here I am still ; Down with the Losers n Boozers on Desperation Alley with my meteoric phut-phut-phutter to complete anonymity continuing on its somewhat flat-lined parabola!! Blown down Drizzled Northern Streets alongside Junk Food Cartons, Sodden Advertising Flyers, Empty Cigarette Packets and all the other Garbage Paraphernalia of 21st Century Living!!

And by exactly those means just mentioned, fanned fortuitously across my path by one of those all too frequent chilly blasts that plague these sullen thouroughfares that proliferate round the Sanctified Walls of Stoned Holy HQ and freeze the hearts of the miserable wretches who plod along them, that, on some remnant of newsprint holding yesterday's hot news and bound, perchance, if it hadn't winged its merry way to a meeting with the
s t O n E d h O L Y b L o G G e R, to hold tomorrow's hot fish suppers, I learnt of the ongoing stooshie involving Mr. Ed Miliband and that self-elected bastion of all that it means to be British, The Daily Mail.

Being the kinda up-to-the-minute hombre who doesn't own a smartphone, I resolved to make for the nearest Tinternet Cafe to learn more. Weaving  my way 'long thronging pavements, passing Burnt-Out-Bums panhandling for crumbs in the doorways of shops gone flop in the pop n fizzle of free market convulsions, I entered an establishment I like to infrequently grace with my Rock n Roll Presence.... mostly, it has to be admitted, so I can take delight from the most pleasing form of the lady behind the counter......we're talking the kinda curves that swerve all over the road here, people!!  Anyway, whilst I managed to eke out my regular cappuccino with extra sprinkles and busily clicked from this page to that,  I found, remarkably,  my low opinion of the The Daily Mail  plummeting even lower! No mean feat, I assure you, seeing as I already held it to be a Malignant Tumorous Growth on the arse-end of all that is mean-spirited, petty and uninformed in Britain today!!

You,  my dear readers, may think that most of my
s t o n e d  h o l y  w a k i n g  h o u r s are filled with crabbit recollections of how I perceive myself to have been unjustly passed over in the
Rockin-Rollin-Fame-Game......and it's true, 90% of the time they are! The remaining time however is filled mostly with Mordant & Vitriolic Expostulations & Remonstrances rich in Expletives aimed at the Injustices, & Iniquities being meted out to the vast majority of the Humankind Species by those tiny elite minorities who run the sordid show for their own Diseased Glorification and Putrescent Materialistic Longings!! What else is there for a Blessed, Semi-Crazed, Recovering Catholic Mystic like the
S t O n E d H O L y B L o g g e R   to do, I ask you?!?!

Thus it is I oft find myself ranting at publications such as 'The Daily Mail'......but with this attack on the deceased father of  'Red Ed', as The Mail likes to paint him, they've gone beyond the bottom-of-the-barrel ; with this, I fear, they have scraped & hacked themselves down, down, down into the brown, steaming, puke-inducing, cloacal sludge that bubbles along the bristling open-sewer of human abasement!!  I may be but a humble purveyor of melodies, readers, but you surely must, as I do, stand agape and wonder what kind of Nasty & Pernicious Contagion it is that thinks publishing pictures online of Ralph Miliband's grave as a criticism of his offspring's politics could in any way be construed as serious journalism or comment or critique!! Mind-Boggling!!

Especially so when you consider that in the 30's, as history stumbled towards yet another Imperialist conflagration that would envelop humankind, 'The Daily Mail', owned and edited by Harold Sidney Harmsworth, 1st Viscount Rothermere,  (and great, great grandfather of the current owner, Harold Jonathan Esmond Vere Harmsworth, 4th Viscount Rothermere) advocated not just appeasement but alliance with Hitler's regime!! An admirer of Oswald Mosley and his ragbag gang of thugs, the British Union of Fascists, Harmsworth penned an editorial entitled "Hurrah for the Blacksirts"  in 1934!! In sharp contrast, Mr. Miliband's father Ralph served in the Royal Navy! Would it be politically partisan of me to enquire as to which of these two gentlemen you'd admire more - the one who put his own life on the line in the stormy and U-Boat infested waters of the Atlantic or the one who had his nose up Hitler's shit-pipe sniffing his repugnant Nazi farts?!?!....I know which one I'd plump for.........but then, it seems 'The Daily Mail' and the obnoxious little turd who currently edits it, Mr.Paul Dacre have a very short memory....or a highly selective one!! They would no doubt have me down as a 'grave socialist' too!

Interestingly enough, people, as I bring this latest incursion into the sphere of computerdrivel to a close, it may interest you to know that 'The Daily Mail's owner ( 4th Viscount Blah Blah , Harold Jonathan Bollocks!), currently listed 51st in 'The Sunday Times Rich List' (estimated wealth over £1 Billion) who likes to think his fuckn nauseating, worthless shitrag speaks for Britain,

doesn't pay one fukn measly stingy penny in tax in the U.K!!!!!!!!! 

FUKN STAGGERING!!!!!!! 

I'll leave that one with yiz aw.....but for now, this is yir 

Stoned n Holy n Righteously Indignant, 

S t O n E d H o L y B L o G g E r  

saying "S a y o n a r a" for the noo. 

Sweet Dreams Darlings X X

Military Interventions & Orgone Energy!!

Picking up the newspaper today (always a mistake for someone so deeply disenchanted with the world and its long, long litany of  Tragedies & Farces as myself) I  read that Top Tory Toff, David Cameron,  is rattling his little, self-important sabre and talking big about once more letting slip those ever-slobbering Dogs of War as war with Syria looms. Pausing only for the briefest of seconds to ponder the Cameron sabre and wonder if in any fucked up sexual sublimation deal this is standing in for his little bitty member for Witney who gets to play once, maybe twice a year!!! Yiv gotta wonder after all if Wilhemn Reich, Orgone & Orgasm Obsessed Kooky Kat that he was, was hitting nails firmly on the sweet spot when he posited that Society´s and the Individuals Dysfunctions were both rooted in Sexual Dysfunction........mmmm, well, let us ponder......

Interesting to note then, by way of  Reich and his Theories of Sexual Dysfunction, that according to studies by the U.S Department of Veteran Affairs, over 70% of military women are raped whilst serving and 90% report being sexually harassed!! Maybeez this madman Reich was onto something..........ponder on, ponderers!

But back to Military Intervention in Syria. Now, it may or may not weigh sixteen hundred tons, as Joe Strummer once declaimed in "White Man in Hammersmith Palais", but, Goddam, everyone must know what a fine, upstanding body the British Army is ; comprised as it is of individuals whose ethical & moral standards are unquestionably of the highest calibre!! Lemme tell ya people, Rectitude & Probity are understatements!!   No wonder then, that it´s time to oil all them mechanical linkages in their arsenal of war machines and lace on the desert boots, as these Saints & Angels prepare for the possibility of  once again rolling amidst a huge dust cloud into the Middle East in their God-Given Role of  Judge & Jury to anyone out there who we´ve decided isn´t very nice and needs a damn good sorting out!!......n here´s me thinking they were just a bunch of thick, working class knuckleheads who couldn´t think of a better way of getting outta dreary hometowns than volunteering to be the unthinking, ersatz bully boys for nice, civilised, bourgeois politicians who´s howling hypocrisies mean they could never actually stomp on anybody´s head themselves!!

So, nasty Mr. Assad has to be sorted out, right?  I mean, he´s used chemical weapons! The bounder! Everyone knows that the proper way to kill people is to blow a hole in their chest from a mile and a half away with an assault rifle! Light Them Up, Boys!! Even better, interject some serious alienation and disassociation into the deal and get some nerd raised on computer games to sit in an ¨´Operations Room´ a thousand miles from where the shit´s actually gonna hit the fan and get him to engage in some ´precision bombing´and drop some serious fuckin ordnance from a drone sitting five miles up in the sky! That´s the right way to do it, isn´t it??!!....and legal too!!

The s t O N e D H o l Y B l o g g E r maybe just a penniless, put upon Punk Rock Dog but don´t you agree with him that the phoney morality of all this might be kinda funny if it weren´t for the fact that it´s simply fuckin sickening!!

But who can doubt that we need to steam in tae Syria n kick some Arab butt.....after all, here's one we done earlier - the  marvellous job perpetrated on Iraq! Once a poor, benighted people under the boot of that most disagreeable, moustachioed blackguard, Saddam Hussein, Iraq now enjoys the benefits of Democracy ; imposed, be it as it may, at the end of rather a lot of smoking barrels!! But yes, thanks to our onslaught of military hardware its peoples now enjoy a level of civil polity and highly cultured living that serves as a shining beacon to all the regimes which skirt its borders!! It´s amazing the change a million tons of high explosive can bring about, aint it??!! Yes, it´s true, there was a little itsy-bitsy bit of ´collateral damage´ but getting rid of Hussein was worth over a million dead, was it not?! Not too sure if the answer would be the same if you asked over 5 Million Iraqi Orphans!!!

Time to Fight War Not Wars & Take the Toys From the Boys, methinks!


The last words can go to Mr. Wilhelm Reich.....maybeez he wiznae sae kooky after all!!

"Only the Liberation of the Natural Capacity for LOVE in Human Beings Can Master their Sadistic Destructiveness!" 

"The Fact that Political Ideologies are Tangible Realities  is NOT a Proof of their Vitally Necessary Character. The Bubonic Plague was an Extraordinarily Powerful Social Reality but No One  Would Have Regarded it as Vitally Necessary!"


Well, friends, it´s gettin late. The Sleep of the Just awaits. Who can doubt it?! I wonder if that cock Cameron´s slumbers are as untroubled as mine.....maybe he should ask Tony if being a war criminal disturbs yir sleep pattern!!!

England, My England!

They've blown the goddam hill apart! I mean the whole fukn hill, literally ripped open!! And through the huge gaping wound stream cars as the M40 rips into Oxfordshire just north of Stokenchurch. The StonedHolyDreamWagon is but one small moving part of the huge journeying floodtide. Maybeez seein' that hill cleaved open and looking at distant chequerboard hedgerows laid upon England's Green Counterpane unfurled in splendour before you, you could bemoan environmental damages wrought for and by the automobile......but right now ahm thinking it's no use Living in a Bubble n no use Singing the Bedroom Blues ; So with Pistons Pumping and Hot Rubber Wheels turning atop smooth tarmacadam I rush headlong into the Heart of England, where apples swell on heavy boughs and cows distil the brimming pastures.

The huge furnace glow of the sun burns orange behind lavender clouds as day´s end draws near.  I push down on the throttle a little harder and speed onwards to the rumbling spires of Oxford, leavin´the motorway behind me, particulates blazin´......and soon I am plunged into the Heaving Bosom of Merry Old England.!!

Except, I´ll wager, not so merry these days as Osbourne´s Phoney Austerity bites!......but instead of filling the streets and lobbing some bricks the Freeborn Englishman repairs to the pub and downs a pint of bitter whilst grumbling to his neighbour. Except he doesn´t ! He can´t afford it! So instead he stocks up on cheap booze down the supermarket and gets hammered in the privacy of his own home..... and hasn´t uttered a word to his neighbour in the five years they´ve lived next door to each other!

Oh, but at least an Englishman´s home is his Castle. Except it isn´t, is it?!  Five million people waiting for a council house that ain´t being built means our Freeborn Englishman is currently residing in a bedsit  (which incidentally, if it were still a council house like it used to be, would be illegal to let in the condition it is in!) and needs to claim housing benefit to pay the ridiculously inflated rent! Meanwhile Chancellor Goebbels Osborne promises free handouts of taxpayers money with the hare-brained exercise in crass ideology that is ´Help to Buy´ to fix the problem!!!

Ok, things might not be peachy but John Bull can still enjoy a game of cricket on the village green surely! O but he can´t! The village doesn´t have a cricket team anymore now that most of the houses in it are 2nd homes or holiday homes......and now that the village is empty the school, the pub and the post office have all shut up shop and the only place open is the Indian takeaway!!

In Ye Olden Days, Robin Hood may have stole from the rich to give to the poor but that ain´t happening now as the gulf between the haves & the have nots widens irrevocably and society tears along the non-existent middle!! Does our Little Englander blame the people responsible - the free market zealots whose motto ´Greed is Good´ and whose vile self-interest and money-grabbing corruptions resulted in state intervention to the tune of  500 billion pounds? No!! He blames an imagined invasion of immigrants and asylum seekers...... and maybe over 600,000 Public sector Employees losing their job will sort that pesky deficit problem out!....or maybe it´s because of thick, ill-informed working class oinks like him that  ´The Sun´ (owned by multimillionaire Aussie, Rupert Murdoch!) and ´The Daily Mail´ (owned by  Mr. Cameron´s good friend and repugnant Tory arse-licker, Harold Jonathan Esmond Vere Harmsworth, 4th Viscount Rothermere) are the nation´s biggest selling newspapers !!

The Stoned Holy Dream Wagon phutters to a halt in the shadow of Cleeve Hill, highest point in the Cotswolds, and still somewhat dreamy from my Bucolic Reveries, I breath the Goodly and Pastoral Airs : William Blake, Stoned & Holy Mystical Dreamer that he was, may well have dreamed of building a new Jerusalem in England´s Green & Pleasant Land but the SToNeDHolyBLoggeR thinks Fat Chance!!

Ah England, My England!

Rise Like Lions After Slumber!

Would it surprise you to realise, Dear Readers, that as well as being the Disaffected & Cynical Pop-Slop Failure I am, I am also an Unrepentant & Hopelessly Idealistic
'dyed-in-the wool'  Romantic?.....but verily, it is so!

Take for instance my resolutely, if not downright ridiculously, held opinion, informed by my extensive enquiries into the political tenets of both Communism & Anarchism, that Humankind is capable of so much more than 'Supermarket Sweep' and 'Deal or No Deal'!!.....or to put it another way, Boris Johnson & Michael Gove!!But, to quote Shelley  (Pete that is, from Manchester's finest, the Buzzcocks! ), What Do I Get for my faith in my fellow humankind beings to raise the bar of civilised living?...............the answer ; a nauseating media scrum over the birth of a baby!! Well Yippee n Howdy-Doody! And I'm supposed to give a shit, why??!!

Tell me, just how much of a tragic waste of useless, oxygen burning, precious resource squandering fukn space have you gotta be to be one of those Lamentable & Unforgivable Dullards or Inadequates thronging by the gates of Buck House waiting to catch sight of a piece of A4 paper displayed in a fukn wooden box??!!

"Rise Like Lions after Slumber in Unvanquishable Number."  This from the pen of my fellow Romantic and one gone before who also tread the Rutted Furrow & Rocky Way of  T h e  S t o n e d H o l y R o l l e r - Brother Percy Bysshe Shelley ;  And it is with these sweet words of poesy reverberating in the custard like ooze that fills the space beneath the Stoned Holy Chapeau that I beseech the seemingly Uninterested & Uncommunicative Metaphysical Superbeing who resides in Heavens High and watches over the pathetic and vainglorious trifles of the puny human ants created by His (or indeed Her!) own omnipotent and masterful hand, to......

 Geeza Fukn Brek Fae the Fukn Windsor Family!!!

And yet, Dearly Gathered, behind all the Sanctimonious Fawning, Obsequious Brown-Nosing and Flagrant Propagandizing lies but a little mite - no different from the thousands upon thousands who hove into view round about the same time as he did - Barely a day old and needing nothing more than Mother's arms to hold him and Mother's breast to feed him - No different from all those other mewling bundles of joy squealing for milk....and for now blissfully unaware of the full weight of the Ridiculous & Outmoded History of Ignominy & Avarice or the Life-Sucking & Stultifying Burden of Duty & Incumbency soon to be placed firmly on his little Babby shoulders! Ah, Bless!!

But yes, absurdly...insanely....ludicrously,  someday yet to wheel about, this Little, Squidgy, Pink Parcel will be by the Grace of God, King of this Realm and of His other Realms and Territories, Head of the Commonwealth & Defender of the Faith! Blimey, what a mouthful! He will also, amongst a whole heap of shiny tin stars n golden braid, be everything from the Duke of Normandy to the Lord of Mann...& no need to bust a gut as an Infantry grunt or lowly grog-swilling AB since he's already pencilled in to be  Commander-in Chief of the British Armed Forces and Lord High Admiral of the Royal Navy......Blah Blah Blah, the list goes on...and what an appalling, Medieaval load of Bollocks it is!!

Who could possibly envy the little pudding?...Saddled with so much Antiquated & Meaningless Shit!! Perchance we SHOULD all do the Little Whinger a favour and discard the Infantilising & Demeaning System that places him on Pedestal High, secure in the knowledge that this was ordained by God!!?? Yes, maybe by the time he's of age he too can be part of a Democratic & Inclusive Republic where people are not Subjects but CITIZENS!!!!

LIBERTY!

EGALITY!

FRATERNITY!

......and, oh aye VIVE LE REVOLUTION Brothers n Sisters!!!

n here a wee link tae read more about Republicanism / http://www.republic.org.uk

Stroke Mags & Bombay Sapphire!!??

Maybe, just maybe, my fellow bloggers, being the Cultured & Discerning readership you are, you may haved noted a Discontented, nay, Embittered thread running through my previous inane excursions into the Wonderful World of Computerdrivel. The reasons for this are, I trust,  evident but chief amongst them, in summary, is the fact that Shuffling in Scuffled Down Shoes through the indifferent streets of Hometown Anonymity can be Pure Fukn Drudgery  at the best of times but is exacerbated mightily by Pop Slop Dillusions of Grandeur & Entitlement. All things being right with this world, I shouldn't really be up at this late hour writing this shit, but instead be entertaining some delightfully gazelle-like young ladies in that Garden of Earthly Delights which the
S t o n e d  H o l y  B e d  C h a m b e r should rightfully be!! Oh well, never mind! Self-loathing though, isn't really the S T o N e d h o L Y B l o G G e R's kinda backbeat, so instead I opt to project my Petty Resentments and Myriad Disappointments onto the world at large and mooch around with a stoney expression much like something that belongs on Easter Island! And oh, doth not this Ship of Fools we call the World make it so damn easy to pour Scorn & Vitriol & Blame & Plagues of Locusts down upon its Blackened & Cancerous heart!!!

Take, for instance the news that winged its way to me just the other day via the Modern Day Marvel that is Televisual Communication ; there, amongst the usual wretched fare of Low-Brow Titillation (with the emphasis on 'tit'!) and Bourgeois Materialistic Fawning that clogs up the airwaves and knotted cables of T.V Land, I was informed that the Queen, poor underpaid Old Dear that she is, has just bagged herself a pay hike from 34 to 36 Million Quid!

And here's me, a Poor, Neglected Rock n Roll genius, forced to panhandle for subsistence wages whilst that talentless, benefit sponging, pheasant killing, handbag wielding, gin swigging, corgi loving po-faced hoor, who's basically done Sweet Bo Diddley for humankind (...except that is, spawn the next generation of Dimwits n Dullards who will Lord it over us someday!), is getting 36 Million Fucking Quid!!! Righteous Indignation ain't the word, people!! Come back Monsieur Guillotine, all is forgiven!!

So Let's Think About This For a Brief Moment :
36 Million Quid whilst they're laying off thousands of public sector workers as part of a 'solution' to a mess they had no part in creating?! 

36 million quid as they bleat constantly on about the need to save money by cutting public services across the country?!

36 million Quid as  they deconstruct the NHS and tell us there's no money to pay for it?! 

36 Million Quid as they belittle and harangue the unemployed and get their French bully boys at ATOS to bully and harass those who can't work?!

36 Million Quid whilst nearly 5 Million people wait for a council house?!

   
And do you think it makes it any easier to tumble into Golden Slumbers, weary at day's end from all my bellachin',  whilst I'm thinking about Queenie raking in a fortune from her London property portfolio, which is valued at more than £8 Billion!...or the news that she's pocketted over £7 Million in E.U farming grants!! Not on yir Sweet Chuck Berry!!......and here's me with not even enough for a stroke mag n a bottle of Bombay Sapphire!!

Kings & Queens; Adorned, Enthroned

August & Imperious in their Stately Homes

Stepping Down from the History Page

You Wouldn't Think that we're Living in the Space-Age! 

ahm tellin it as it is, people!

see yiz aw next time, you Pop-Pickin' Republicans!!

Wherever I Lay Ma Hat...That's Ma Hat!

The S t O n E D H o L y B l o g g E R writes to you today, not from the familiar, mossed environs of StonedHolyHQ, but from an alien, though not altogether displeasing, corner of Good Old Blighty. I address both discerning readers and non-computer savvy inepts alike, not from the cushioned comfort of the StonedHolyComputerSuite but from quarters new.

These past weeks and months, though visiting Disruption & Upheaval upon the previously unassailable turrets of StonedHolyHQ, have also opened up both vistas & possiblities new : Yes, the Motte & Bailey have been overrun and yes, the walls have been breached and the fires within the StonedHolyHearth extinguished but this matters not in the digital world of the blogosphere wherein we are uncorporeal.

But the S t O n e D H O L y b l o G G e r  is, most assuredly, of Flesh & Bone and it is with real, though possibly slightly world-weary, eyes that I have gazed into the emptiness of the majestic night sky and having considered the vast, pitiless desert of time n space came to the conclusion that Wherever I Lay Ma Hat....That's Ma Hat!!

So I am here to tell you Internet Dogs that the StonedHolyBowler is now set at a jaunty angle atop the StonedHolyNoggin as I skip merrily along the unfamiliar streets of Cheltenham bidding passers-by 'Good Day'! And yea verily, as Arthur Lee noted back in '67, "Forever Changes" - Yet some things stay the same.....n ahm no quite ready to stop plugging away at this Pop-Slop-Mallarkey just yet!.....Y'see, Ahv Got Something Inside of Ma Bones - and it's DANGEROUS!!

The Beat Goes On!!!

Soon I May Lay My Hat Near YOU!!

Life's A Gas - Strike A Match - BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Salutations Brethren!! 

Batten Doon the Hatches!!

Today found the S T O n E d H o L y b L O g g E r cloistered within the confines of StonedHoly HQ and  fully intent on not popping his Stoned Holy Noggin' above the parapet to have a keek! I hunkered doon! I  battened doon the hatches! I decided to wait it out in the hermetically sealed environment of the Stoned Holy Fall-Out Shelter!

Verily, it was 'chuckin' it doon' ootside, as it often does in these latitudes, but that was not the reason for my taking the StonedHolyPersonage far from the madding crowd. It would require a soaking of Biblical proportions to deter one so inured to a pluvial drenching as the S t o n e d H O L y B L o g g e R from issuing forth from his front door, I can tell you!

Perchance I have commenced a period of monk-like Seclusion, removed from the distractions of this Crazy Old World to explore the "Weird Scenes Inside the Gold-Mine" of Inner-Space? But no, gentle readers, the Monastic life is not for me ; although it may interest you to know I  have actually undergone a period akin to that just described - it was called the 80's!!! Which I spent mostly in my bedroom listening to Blind Lemon Jefferson & Howling Wolf and reading the works of Leon Trotsky & Isaac Deutscher whilst the likes of Duran Duran and Depeche Mode were abroad in the world at large and raking it in!!! Wankers!!

Maybe then it is, the Stoned Holy Frontal Lobe has finally snapped
and I have retreated from the hugger-mugger of the 21st Century into a
Howard Hughes-like paranoia of never opening the curtains and wearing a hat made out of kitchen foil to deflect the mind-bending rays being used to pacify the world's population by a race called the Zargons who hail from Planet Karg?!?!...and all the while subsisting on a diet of porridge and crisps and lying in my own shit!! Eh.....errrr.....ummmmm...NO!!! I like to think the Sanity of the s t o N E D h O L y B l o g g e R is fairly secure.....for the moment leastways!!

Is it then possible that Wonga.com sent the boys round to gie the poor
Stoned Holy Knee-Caps a couple o' dunts wi a mash hammer to convince me I should pay forthwith the outstanding balance of £2,750 which I owe them from an original loan of £35 I took out in lieu of Jobseekers Allowance which I subsequently did not receive after the black-hearted scoundrels and dejected jobsworths who enforce the callous ideological policies of the DWP sanctioned me for all of March & April forcing me thusly to lie low and pretend nobody was in, ignoring the loud and insistent rapping upon the Stoned Holy Front Door?!?! I am happy to report t'is not so!.... although the Stoned Holy Coffers are, indeed, currently perilous!

No, the real reason behind my self-imposed quarantine was the funeral of one Margaret Hilda Thatcher and all its associated BULLSHIT!! Listening to the mock solemnity of the tossers who turned up to make political capital out of the anachronistic old crone's demise would be distasteful at the best of times but knowing they've splashed 10 Million Quid on their shindig does tend to stick in the craw somewhat!!!....And all of this fanfare at the taxpayer's expense in times of so-called Austerity....Nauseating!!!.....but what really tipped the scales was the news from The Sunday Times Rich List, courtesy of Michael Meacher, that the wealthiest thousand people in the U.K (just 0.003% of the population!) have, over the course of the last three years, got richer by the staggering sum of £155 Billion!! I'll write that figure out in full just so you fully comprehend it - One Hundred & Fifty Five Billion  Pounds!!

That, my friends, is enough to pay off the entire U.K budget deficit and still leave £30bn as loose change!!

Let's Kick Out the Tories!!

 Ta-Ta for Now Cyberpeepers!!

 Sleep Well!!!

A Healthy Dollop of Schadenfreude : Thatcher's Deid!!

Mr. Charles Dickens, no less, late of Rochester, Kent once opined that "It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times" but we here gathered in the 'Diary of a Pop-Slop Nobody' Editing Suite do not concur! For surely, these are simply the worst of times! Was it not ever thus for lowly folks such as the S t o n E d H o l y B L o g g e R....but today, I must admit, there's an all too perceptible upturning at the corners of the
S t o n e d H o l y C h a t t e r H o l e...I...errrr...think it's called a SMILE!! 

It's true, the S t o n e H o l y C o u n t e n a n c e is not usually troubled by such things; wearing as it does a gravely chiselled expression, placed there upon it by wasted years of tirelessly chippin' awa' at this Pop Slop Mallarkey for scant reward! So, yes, the
S t o n e d H o l y B r o w is mostly found Furrowed Deeply & Darkly Shadowed ;  it's bleedin' hard work lugging 'round all my baggage of Resentment & Bitterness, I can tell yi!! Old Jacob Marley hasn't got as look-in! But today the onus on these Discontented & Heavily Burdened S t o n e d H o l y S h u d d e r s has lightened somewhat with the news that

THATCHER'S DEID!!

My guess is that the Blogosphere is right this Holy Beat Moment ablaze with feverish typing as an Army of Bloggers pound the keyboards to celebrate the fact of her passing!! The S T o n e D H o l Y B L o g g e R is one such! No doubt in some Iniquitous Quarters they are already penning Turgid Eulogies & Puerile Panegyrics to further cloud the Repugnant & Revolting airs by her bier but that is most definitely not the case here at
S t o n e d H o l y H Q!!.....nor I suspect a lotta places north of Luton or outside of Tory Central Office....and maybeez, not even within every corridor of that Scurrilous Den!

For the people of whom the S t O n e D h O L y B l o G G e r sings of and for in his capacity as The Concrete Prairie Crooner, The Baron of Baritone &  Psychedelic Overlord of the S T O N E D H O L Y R O L L E R S and lest we forget, The Guiding Light & Most Irreverent High-Heid-Yin of the Stoned Holy Church of Rockin  Rollin Brethrenness, Thatcher poppin' her 87 year old clogs is, most assuredly, cause for sloppin up a good healthy dollop of SCHADENFREUDE and savouring every bitter n twisted mouthful!!

It has been said that the Guid Die Young - need we say more?!?! 87 Miserable Fukn Years of Heartbreak & Rupture! 87 Afflicted & Sorrowful Steps that have lead to the Cold, Grey Clay!! The Zoroastrians believe you have but one duty to fulfill with your allotted time on this goodly Earth; namely, to leave the World a better place for your having been in it! This Poisonous & Pernicious woman has singularly failed in this undertaking!! She's been a Bane no' a Boon!!...n noo she's on a spit being roasted like a herring amidst the blackest, deepest Palls of Beelzebub's Halls!!!.......leastways, I like to think she is!!!

I urge you gentle readers, whilst they prattle endlessly on & on and discuss her legacy to think of the damage wrought by her and her love affair with Reaganomics and the Free Market Madness of Friedman : mass unemployment, millions homeless, the gap between rich and poor ever widening, communities ripped apart all across Britain, manufacturing all but disappeared, the rise of 'Benefit Culture', bank bail-outs and bankers' bonuses, the social fabric in tatters......Oh, t'is a Bitter Harvest she has wrought!!! And noo she's DEID!!!!.....but how can we forget her warped, bastard spawn are still at the helm  and creating a Britain where money gets what money wants and no-one gives a shit for their neighbours cos 'there's no such thing as Society' anyway!!!!

Champagne isn't really the style of the s t O N e D H o l y b l O g g E R, but tonight I just may crack open a fine bottled ale and without pity or remorse say "Thank Fuck, the Wicked Witch is Dead!!!!" Then I may wind up the S t o n e d H o l y V i c t r o l a and listen again to The Beat 'Stand Down Margaret' or Crass 'How Does it Feel to be the Mother of a Thousand Dead' or Elvis Costello 'Tramp the Dirt Down' or Morrissey crooning 'Margaret on the Guillotine'......I must confess, I may get a wee bitty nostalgic for those Thatcher blighted days of my naive youth....but, be assured all yous oot there in Blogland, I will all the while be feeling satisfaction & delight in another's misfortune!.....

Schadenfreude - oh, doncha just love it!!!!

Morrissey /  The Beat / Elvis / Crass

  

£53 a week, mate?....yoor avvin a laugh, aincha?!?!

The S t o N E d h O L Y b L o G G e r hereby extends his apologies to the Good Peoples who inhabit the Blogosphere for his long and (I'm damned sure) sorely missed absence from these virtual walls whereon we bloggers paste up our witterings, rancourous or otherwise, in the vain hope that somebody will read them and recognise us as the obscure genius that we have always believed ourselves to be!

The aforementioned absence was due to circumstances outwith my control - ie: Mr. Iain Duncan Smith! Details later, but for now let's consider the much-in-the-news Minister for Work & Pensions. This may prove difficult for I can hardly bare to type out his name without feeling somewhat nauseous and it conjuring it up in my mind an image of his shiny little bald head under the conference lights as he delivers yet another pernicious and petty minded diatribe against 'benefit culture' to the Legions of the Lame-Brained that are the septuagenarian Tory Faithful!!. Yes, I know it's wrong, but I would happily see the Repugnant Tory Dimwit's noggin cleaved in two by a war-axe or some such implement as one uses in these matters, and see for myself the cancerous grey sludge inside it that passes as a brain!!!

And to think he was born  (surely thiat should read vomited up?!?!) in Edinburgh where I myself made my howling entrance into this World of Fools & Fops & Popinjays! Just one more reason for me to resent the Grey, Windblown, Kebab Strewn Streets of this Piddling, Presbyterian, Pisspot, Prison Town that has for so long stifled my

S t o N e D   &   H o L y   R o L L i N g N E s s ! 
Hell hath no fury like a lover ignored!!




He was also, again like the S T o N e d H o L Y b L o g g e R, schooled by Vatican Stormtroopers - ie: given a Roman Catholic education!! Unlike myself though, he still practices the faith. I find this baffling...if only momentarily. In instances such as this I quickly revert to my Pontifex Maximus Drenched Default Setting of Righteous & Holy Indignation and begin to Thunder & Fulminate!! Weary from these exhortations I humbly implore and beseech the Wrathful God who Bides in Heavens High to exact a Swift & Shuddersome  Vengeance upon this Perambulatory & Puny Pestilence for having the Outrageous Fukn Temerity to Believe he could be counted in the Ranks of the Faithful and as such qualify for life everlasting!! Oh. for B'Jaysus sake why can this Miserable Little Man not be turned into something more befitting his position in the Cosmic Grand Order of Things - say errr.... Dog Shit for example!!!
   

And now for more on the beleaguered Blockhead that is George Iain Duncan Smith. Not beleaguered enough, I and countless others would wager ; for by rights this Toxic Tory Abortion should be vilified everywhere he goes by any society that is any way concerned with the Social Justice it affords its citizens. Again, I would happily see this Loathsome Tory Toad reduced to a Skulking Pariah and pelted with various comestibles and the contents of yir average Septic Tank whenever he dared show his Loathsome Little Toady face in the Good Light of Day - for surely in any Society worthy of the name, it would be so!! 

The fact that this Horrible Little Runt has actually prospered in this world is but further grist to my Embittered and World Weary Mill!! He has 'prospered' by various means ; Aside from his ignoble six year stretch as an officer in the British Army he has sold both armaments for GEC Marconi and gun related magazines for Jane's Information Group. He has also lied about attending the University of Perugia and something called the 'Dunchurch College of Management' which turns out to be nothing more than a weekend jolly for the team at GEC Marconi's own staff college! He has also 'got on' by marrying himself into money and claiming the fair hand of the daughter of some grandee called the 5th Baron Cottesloe. Oh, how simply wonderful it must be for everyone.....especially as they all live on Pater-In Law's estate in Bucolic Buckinghamshire!!! Shall we mention him swelling his bank account further with monies claimed from the public purse for his wife 'working' as his 'Diary Secretary'? Oh, we'd better not because he was 'cleared' and given a slight rebuke by 'Parliamentary watchdog'! That'll teach him!!

But enough of  peddling guns and lies and his shameful rise to the dizzy heights of the DWP.... let's talk about now and his frankly laughable and ludicrous claim that he could subsist on £53 a week! Do I really need to spit forth yet more vitriol and detail the many ways that this is Contemptible & Insulting & Arrogant? I implore you readers, please take the time to visit the website below where you can sign the e-petition to make this Tory Abomination make good on his Flagrant & Heinous Clap-Trap and live on £53 a week for a year!! Here's the link  https://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/iain-duncan-smith-iain-duncan-smith-to-live-on-53-a-week 

Make it so, people! 
Verily, I say unto thee, Make it so!!!

Robert Burns : Rock n Roll Animal!

It's that time of year again, folks. The time when the S T O n e d H O L y b L o G g e R reminds aw you Cyberdarlings (or at least that portion of yiz amongst the teeming multitudes of the blogosphere who have blundered their way onto these exalted pages!)  that the birthday of Robert Burns, late of Ayrshire, Scotland, will soon be upon us. It's the 25th January when yiz aw need tae get the whisky bottle oot and raise a toast tae Rantin' Robbie!!! So keen am I tae draw yir attention to this impending anniversary that I am here, sitting in the Cramped n Chilly confines of the computer suite at
S t o n e d H o l y H Q, hammerin' awa at the keyboard on a Saturday night, when any other self-respecting Rock n Roll Animal worthy of the name wid be oot on Cuban Heels, Scavenging & Scouring the Skirted Streets seeking out Raw Flesh & Live Heat!!! Fie, even the Bardie himself would surely be one of them!

*    *    *   *    *   *    *

But here I am ; caged within the Hallowed & Hushed Halls of  R O l l e R C e N t R a l, 
the indifferent S t o n e d H o l y W a l l s flickering in the glow from the computer screen, writing this garbage for the elucidation of  Virtual Loons n Quines! By rights, I should be spending my evening entertaining several delightfully upholstered nubiles, keen to show their appreciation of my S T o N e d h O l y g E N i U s by enveloping my dulled senses in Sumptuous & Voluptuary excess! Oh, such a Realm of Fleeting Pleasures to be abandoned to! Yes, I know, Sex without Love IS an empty experience.....but as empty experiences go (and there are many in this meagre & pitiable world) it's one of the best!!

*    *    *    *    *    *    *

A fact, I'm sure, that would not have been lost on Robert Burns : For although he was a man of Prodigous Poetic Capabilities and a man firmly engaged with the Political Upheavals and Intellectual Altercations of his age, a man possessed of Easy Charm & Wit, he was a man also, who liked nothin' better than tae Cock Up his Beaver and loosen his breeks tae gie the Bonnie burdies a treat!! Though undoubtedly one who relished the pleasing company of rosy cheeked lovelies as a way to fill his hours and afford him the opportunity to display his breadth of learning, a means whereby he could show off his dazzling rhyme makkin skills....ahm pretty damn sure he liked it even better when the jades bade him lift up their petticoats and lug oot his pintle!!

*    *    *    *   *   *    *

I here recommend yi hunt doon a copy of "The Merry Muses of Caledonia." for the collected Smut & Bawdy Verse of Burns and a Joyous & Jovial Jaunt in Rhyme through the World of Fornication. 'Say, Puritan, can it be wrong, tae dress plain truth in witty song?'  asks the frontispiece and what follows is guaranteed tae put a smirk on the most door of faces. Here's wee sample tae whet yir appetite;

O gin a Body meet a Body comin thro the rye

Gin a body fuck a Body, Need a Body Cry!

Gin a body meet a Body comin thro the Glen

Gin a Body fuck a Body, Need the Warld ken!

Gin a Body meet a Body comin thro the Grain

Gin a Body fuck a Body, cunt's a Body's ain!

*    *    *    *    *   *   *

Awright, cyberpeepers, ahv said ma piece. Ah'll leave the rest to you. Meanwhile, here's a doff o the cap and a raising o a glass tae Robert Burns (1759 - 1796), a real Rock n Roll Animal & a real gone..... 

S t O N e D H o l y r O L L E r! 

Avanti Popolo!!

A V A N T I   P O P O L O ! !  These are the stirring first words of the famous Italian workers anthem 'Bandiera Rosso.'  And the sentiment is surely one to stir the blood as we hapless though not entirely hopeless layabouts here at  S t o n e d H o l y   H Q  lurch somewhat gingerly into 2013!!.....and Yes, the days, though short, grow longer! The sap is indeed rising within these Pop-Slop Veins.....(although it's efficacy therein is counteracted somewhat by a Roman Catholic education and the many harsh lessons wrought and sexual failures incurred in the course of our dreary years of Pop-Slop Failure!! All of which bitter recollections serve to remind me that it was Bill Withers who pointed out "you sure do become attractive when you have a hit record"!!)

But, Ladies n Gentlemen, there is indeed LIFE in these Old Pop-Slop Dogs yet!! It's true, Ronnie Dawson's Bones ain't been doin' a Whole Lotta Shakin' themselves recently, but we've still got him on the S t o n e d H o l y R o c k O l a  at 45 r.p.m loudly proclaiming"There's still a Lotta Rhythm in these Rockin' Bones"....so if that don't get ya Movin' & Groovin' then yi must be deader than Ronnie!!

Dismal Experience tells us it's foolhardy, I know, but for now, as we stride forth into the New Year from out of  the Hallowed Portals of S t o n e d H o l y H Q our demeanour is positively chirpy!! We must admit though, to our High Spirits being literally dampened a little by the want of a good, stout pair of Boots!!! The S t o n e d H o l y S p i r i t  is willing but the Wet Feet & Chilblains are weak!!!

No doubt Navy Manners aboard the Good Ship Blighty  in the 21st century - ie : being routinely keel-hauled at the Job Centre plus ; being hung from the highest yardarm for raiding yir youngest's piggy-bank for a few Pieces of Eight tae keep the motor running ;  walking the plank on a diet of beans on toast and hard tack ; and being remorselessly lashed by the Cat o' Nine Tails and any number of caterwauling & talentless teenage bimbos and young men who need their trousers pulled up! - will soon chip away at our chipper disposition but for now we remain buoyant! If it wiznae for the Grog and the right to Self-Medicate I don't know what we'd do!!

No doubt the Soulless & Enervating smiles of  Top Twots, Messrs. Cameron & Osborne, and indeed the whole Pernicious & Corrupting Business of Politics and Governance of Her Majesty's Sinking Ship Great Britain will soon hasten the restoration of the
S T O n e d H o l Y B l o g g E r ' s  default setting of Stinging Rancor &
World Weary Cynicism!!

It is given to some lucky souls to play out their lives upon the grand stage of Revolution where Ferment and Insurrection are heady in the air ; A Monumental Theatre wherein their walk-on-parts and asides are woven into the very Fabric of History....but not so the
S T O n E d H o L y b l o G G e r !  I find myself bobbing aimlessly in fouled waters surrounded by Capitalist Pirates, Free Market Sharks and endless fukn episodes of 'Grand Designs' on More4 and adverts for reclaiming PPI.......

Sometimes Davey Jones' Locker doesnae half look inviting!!!!

Make mine a Rum, Barman! AAAARRRRRR!!!

Happy New Year Cyberpeople!!