Well, Good Peoples of the Blogosphere, it's that time of year again......the time when Mumbling Old Curmudgeons, Dyspeptic Pop-Slop Failures & Miserable Bleedin' Bastards alike furrow their knitted brows and hurrumph loudly.....And Lo, Did It Come To Pass!!!
H U M B U G ! !
We're over the worst of it though. Chrimbo has been n gone. Turkeys incinerated. Tons of plastic garbage that was inexpertly wrapped and placed under tinsel-laden Chrimbo trees before being trashed in the grubby sausagelike fingers of avaricious brats lookin' instead for an iPad or Blackberry has already been tossed into the garbage can en route to landfill!
Good King Wenceslas has looked out once again on snow lying deep n crisp n even & Boxing Day is no more..though there is, undoubtedly, a lot of Boxing still to be done as the Tenuous Familial Threads that bind us finally snap under the pressure of pretending we're
'Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time' !! That surfeit of Mulled Wine & Liqueur Chocolates surely can't help but inflame ire when argy-bargying for control of the T.V Remote!! Whether this really is
'The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year' is moot, but I'm betting it doesn't feel like it for many as they finally call it a day and crawl into bed nursing a sore jaw, a bad case of stomach ache & a severely bashed and bruised sense of pride!!...
....But Don't Worry! Be Happy! Collective Amnesia will soon take hold & we can all act out our bit parts in the Pantomime next year!!....oh such happy days to think I will once more find myself in the Thronging Tumult of the Drinks Aisle in Asda on Christmas Eve searching for bottles of Vermouth and half-price Cava to palm off to sundry friends & relations in lieu of a real gift! And all this whilst being bombarded with Slade screaming
'It's Christmaaaaaaaaaaaas!' and the thought of Noddy Holder's Pension Fund swelling enormously as the PRS payments flood in!!!.....this is nowhere near as life-draining as Cliff-Fukn-Richards whining on about
Mistlefukntoe n FuknWine & Fukn Children Fukn Singin Christian Fukn Rhyme!! If there's a Merciful God in Heavens Yonder can he not do something about this!!!???
Meanwhile though, the shop doors have already opened anew & ushered in the rampaging hordes of Bargain Hunters Shouldering & Shoving in the Jungle of January Sales! Ah see now, how the Merry Little Consumers bulldoze their way to the front of the queue and gladden their covetous little hearts by snappin up that cable-knit sweater reduced by 90 - yes, 90! - percent!! See how they fill the Yawning, Vacuous Chamber of their Meaningless Lives with Material Trinkets n Trifles as the Sulphourous, Ravening Maw of Commerce swallows up their Little Plastic Cards & the next 25 years of their Crummy Working Lives!!!.....but hey,
I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday!!
What the real Christmas Miracle is though, is the idea that underneath all this Brazen Glitz and Phony Bonhomie is the story of a helpless babe-in-arms and the possibility of
REDEMPTION!!! Now if that possibility, however slim, isn't just cause to Celebrate then I'm blowed if I know what is! And if a Hoarding & Penurious Auld Shitebag like Ebeneezer Scrooge can have his Black, Miserly Heart opened up to Tenderness & Affection there may even be hope for a Comfortless
S t o N E d H o L y b L O G g e R !!
It's enough tae Bring a Tear tae a Glass E'e!!
I have just been visited by the Spirit of Christmas Present in a glass of Tawny Port....and do declare, I will have another! Huvva Coool Yule Y'all........God Bless Us, Everyone!!!
