Sallying forth from the ivied portals of
Stoned Holy HQ, which even yet are adorned with the last flaming nasturtium blooms, I didn't need to see the falling mercury trapped within the chamber to know it was a bit parky. Winter was, once again, tightening its iron grip and asserting its right to hold dominion over these northerly quarters. Momentarily I fell into pleasing thoughts of sadness regarding the Death of Summer and the passing of time without end. I mused, however briefly, on how uneventful it must be to live on the Equator and not know the myriad ways in which the tilt in the Earth's axis can, not only, conjure beauties & delights for eyes open enough to see but lift hearts, transcendent, into the firmament! I was wrenched out of these meteorological musings when I noticed the twinkling of fairy lights! My heaven-bound-heart plummeted quicker than a 707 with all engines out! It was, alas, beginning to look a lot like fukn Christmas!!
Later, when I repaired to the blessed sanctuary afforded by the mighty
StonedHolyRamparts, I switched on the televator only to be affronted by
The Staple Singers being co-opted by the Soul-Sucking Forces of Capital! An advert for some or other High Street purveyor of Hollowed Out Materialism, using
The Staple Singers' 1970 classic
'Who Took the Merry Out of Christmas?' to tempt the Consumerdrones into the shining Consumerdromes! Hark now, hear the registers ring? See you now the Ghost of Christmas Present open wide it's mouth, demanding to be fed? But it's all just
novelty sweaters and tartan slippers for those who already have them to the
S t O n E d H O L y B L O g g e R !
But, Oh, the invidious, dark art of Advertising! See how it hoovers up culture and shackles it to the Profit Motive. But, hear me now, all you Suckers of Satan's Stinking, Scaly Cock, all you Slurpers of Auld Clootie's Sour, Sordid, Brown Jism ; know ye not that Death awaits all who number in the Legions of Darkness? Of course, strictly speaking, Death awaits us all, regardless of whether we're in the Hordes of Hell or not, but what else can a Chrimbo weary and reverent
S T o N E d h o l Y B l o G G e r do but take up his metaphorical snakes. For all those unavailed of a Bible Belt Tub to thump or Pentecostal Pulpit to arraign & castigate from let me be clear who it is we mean by Legions of Darkness. Readers, we speak of Advertising Executives! Let eternal damnation be the accursed fate of all the lickspittles and bell-end polishers who serve on bended knee at the sordid glory holes of Mammon! Perchance it is, you may counter, you only made the tea and served the sushi. But silence, ye Equivocators & Dissemblers, the sentence of the
Stoned Holy Court of All That is Righteous & Upstanding is non-negotiable ; Death! I call down a pox on all your houses! May all your issue be barren and your lineages wither like vines in a frost! Let me here inform all concerned who it was that 'took the merry out of Christmas'.....it was YOU! You people!
The
s t O n e d H O L y B L O g G e R is confident that
Pop Staples would join him in calling out all the craven homogenizers, the backsliders, the soulless mercenaries and unscrupulous ones, all those who would pervert, who wait at Money's beck & call. Ever ready to taint and despoil that which is heartfelt for a lousy buck!
And to close, a message of redemption for those guilty of the crime of taking the Merry outta Christmas - "Lay Not Up For Yourselves Treasures Upon Earth, Where Moth & Rust Doth Corrupt, and Where Thieves Break Through & Steal. But Lay Up For Yourselves Treasures In Heaven" Amen, to that! Roughly translated into the vernacular as 'Peace & Goodwill to all.....except the wankers that work in advertising!!'
Have a guid yin, Pop Pickers!
