Ho! Ho! Ho! - Oh, No! No! No!!

"Aw Hell....its....."

Whilst the S T o N e d h o l Y B l o g g e R  is wrapped within the Sleepy Vale of Night, sleeping like a newborn in swaddling 'neath the cosy protection of the Stoned Holy Winceyette, my dreams are untroubled, floating on gossamer strands of psychedelic wackiness and everyday surrealism! But not so my waking hours!!

You may well imagine the s T O n E D H o l y b l o g G E r  incarcerated within the Dickensian austerity that pervades the bare and echoing chambers of Stoned Holy HQ, opining to himself  "Oh, Knowledge; Why Didst thou Come to Wound and Not to Cure!"........but fret not! For although I do spend an inordinate amount of time in acrimonious recollection I do manage to divert myself from these fruitless philosophizations with cryptic crosswords, pictures of nekkit wimmen on the Tinternet and baking scones! (What's that you say? A JOB? Heaven Forfend!!)........but B'Jaysus,was it not just yestreen whilst peering through the 'Devil's Windae' at Japanese lovelies in various states of undress and savouring a Stoned Holy Scone, fresh from the Stoned Holy Oven n hoochin' wi creamy Scottish butter, that the efficacy of these hereto mentioned diversions was found to wane somewhat and I came to reflecting on the inexorable Tick of Time - "Nae Man can Tether Time nor Tide" as the Great Robbie Burns once put it -  T'was then a realisation sneaked up on me from the rear and kicked me in a manner rather rude in the seat o ma Stoned Holy Britches!!

                          Aw Hell.......it's that time again!!

That time o year when aw the Beaten Down & Dejected Ones; aw the Broken Down & Disaffected Ones; aw the Skinflints, Cheapskates & Pinchpennies; aw the Lonely Hearts, the Lovelorn n Loveless get to trouble the Starry Heavens with their bootless cries as they and everybody else are, like it or not, subjected, once again, to the Gaudy, Brash, Tasteless, Venal Free-Market onslaught of......

CHRISTMAS!!

Yip, it's Chrimbo! And before yi say it.....Yes! I know it's the middle of November.....but please not to shoot the messenger......and prithee, what news?
Well, it's not so much glad tidings of comfort n joy, that's for sure! More of a Brutish, Boorish & Blundering Scrum of Desperate Consumers looking for Something....Anything!!  A Mass! A Mob! A Swarm! A Surge!

Now, lemme tell ya, Users n Abusers o the Blogosphere, despite having read ma Gramsci n being boned up on ma 'Philosophy of Praxis', I have to admit to being somewhat conflicted when considering any crowdings of Humankind. In theory I yearn to be assimilated into the thronging mob of dissentors n righteously indignant ones clamouring for change and not afraid tae lob some chunks of masonry at the dupes n stooges of the Police force to prove it!.....but, in reality, after a lifetime spent with my nose pressed firmly to the windae pane looking in, I am somewhat wary of anything that is 'doing' rather than 'observing'! So more than likely I'd be the shadowy figure skulking round the perimeter of any crowd and any shit hitting any fan!!

Chrimbo illustrates this point rather well. As an army of shoppers crowd the shining outlets of vacuous consumerism I find myself retreating ever further from such Swellings & Heavings! If my dismal career in Pop-Slop had followed the mercurial path I had dreamed of once and success had filled my bank account with readies, Chrimbo would be the time of year when I would bid farewell to my native shores and make for distant horizons. Somewhere where the sun was shining and sexy Christmas pixies in red lingerie & high heels could serve me my egg-nog and mince pies poolside! 

Alas, these are idle fancies and here it is I find myself once more in a state of penury with no escape in sight from the Ghastly n Glistening Baubles of the Chrimbo Bubble! And every year now, it seems, outstrips the shameful excesses of the one proceeding it. So it is, with just these kind of thoughts swimming round the Stoned Holy Noodle Box, I have decided to hermetically seal myself away from outside agencies in the Stoned Holy Hermitage!  I intend not to emerge until the nightmare is over. I'll see yiz aw on the other side o December.......Happy Holidays! Good Luck....yiz'll need it!!