Haggis n Bashit Neeps in Downing Street?!?!

Fresh from enduring yet another worldwide mangling and Americanised mispronunciation of 'Auld Lang Syne' and emerging tattered & somewhat battered from the bleak midwinter days of the year just newly consigned to history, the S T o n E  d H o L y B L O g g e R  has rather tiptoed his way into 2018. But the pussyfooting stops HERE!!

For, although the New Year has been somewhat low key and the days have sneaked past the grubby windows of StonedHolyCentral unnoticed almost, today I was roused from my Pop-Slop-Torpor by a paragraph or two which caught my eye in one of the periodicals I peruse, to maintain, at least, a tenuous link to the outside world, disappointing as it is!

Here it was, as I cast a detached and somewhat listless ee over the various columns that told of the latest balls-ups, cock-ups & all-round fuck-ups of the Great & the Good - also known, to me and a growing multitude of disaffected others, as the sad, stunted little gang of playground bullies, imaginationless stuffed shirts & emotionally crippled creeps who we allow to frame the political paradigm - that I was drawn to an item of news which told of a Burns' Night Supper to be held in the State Dining Room of number 10 Downing Street!! And somewhat incredulously, I was informed of how the personality vacuum that is Theresa May was 'looking forward to a great evening to celebrate a great poet, a great nation and an enduring union.' 

As regular cyberpeepers of these jaundiced virtual columns can attest, this is usually when the s t O n e D h O L y B L O g G e r waxes lyrical about Mr. Robert Burns, late of Ayrshire, Scotland and posts a scathing line or two about how the poet would be spinning in his grave if he only knew aboot aw the keech and aw the haiverin done by bletherskites & dunderheeds in his name on January 25th. Dumfries toon could daresay run street lights for free if they stuck a dynamo on the Birlin Bard! The thought of aw them Unco Guid & Rigidly Righteous liftin a glass in his honour wid scunner him for sure! Never mind aw the Holy Willies and their fantoosherie!  Anyway, I had thought I wouldn't bother this year ; after all, how many times can yi scoor the same stibble. But after reading the above & being in no doubt as to what Burns himself would make of  all the liars and phoneys blowin' in his lug, the S t O N E d h O L y b L O g g e R  clambered indignantly aboard his high-horse and made ready tae caw doun damnation & caw time on aw the primpin' prigs!

Perhaps you, like me and, no doubt, the late departed Robert Burns, esq, can take delight in the thought of Mrs. May, wi a wee drammy by her bedside, next to the nuclear destruction button, enjoying a furtive perusal of The Merry Muses of Caledonia and informing her husband that 9 inch would, almost certainly please the lady!!  Perhaps you also can relish the image of Mrs. May warmed by the usqebae n aw the blether aboot pintles and where exactly wiz it that the Guidwife wanted something doin', pleasuring the dessicated, Prime-Ministerial love button!! Perhaps, bathed in the afterglow of the podgering meted oot by the sex machine that is Mr. Philip May, she translates for him intae her clipped R.P. English what exactly "gin a body meet a body comin through the grain, gin a body fucks a body, cunt's a body's ain" actually means! And who could've guessed that the dried up old carlin has a working knowledge o the Scots leid and kens her clamjamfries fae her stooshies!! Who knew the vicar's daughter appreciated a guid doon-tae-earth bit of bawdiness rendered in the Guid Broad Scots?!?!Perhaps flushed from yet another joyous run through the wheat fields of Oxfordshire she likes nothing better than to curl up with her facsimile of the Kilmarnock Edition. Who could've guessed that her love of aw things Scottish extends also tae the dining table?! A wee bitty o the clapshot, hen?! Perhaps, as she lifts another forkful of haggis to her hollow and insincere mouth, the same mouth that speaks of "precious, precious union" the words of her 'great poet' come easily tae her vacuous mind.....here, let me remind her ;

Fareweel tae aw oor Scottish fame

Fareweel oor ancient glory

Fareweel ev'n tae the Scottish name

Sae famed in martial story

Noo Sark rins ower Solway sands

An Tweed rins tae the ocean

Tae mark where England's province stands

Sic a Parcel o Rogues in a nation!

Whit force n guile cuid no subdue

Through many warlike ages

Is wrought noo by a coward few

Fir hireling traitor's wages

The English stell we cuid disdain

Secure in valour's station

But English gowd huz been oor bane

Sic a Parcel o Rogues in a nation!

O wid, or A hud seen the day

That Treason thus cuid sell us

Ma auld grey heid hud lien in clay

Wi Bruce an loyal Wallace

But pith an power till ma last hour

A'll mak this declaration

We're bought an sold fur English gold

Sic a Parcel o Rogues inb a nation!

Aye, I can really see Theresa enjoying that yin!! Whit's that rumbling noise I can hear? Jings, I think it is, y'know!.....It's Robbie Fukn Burns Birlin' in his fukn grave!!!! 

Here's tae yi, Rob..... & Scottish Independence!!!

     

Yes, We Can....but Naw...Youz Cannae!!

How fitting that this is my 50th post. This is my Hawaii ; last State to join the Union! I say fitting because Ahm here tae talk aboot America!!.....or more accurately President Obama's recent nickel's worth regarding the Scottish Independence debate.

What's a Pop-Slopper (and a failed one, at that!) doing entering the fray of Politics, you might very well ask. But, understand, gentle reader, that the
S t O n E d H O L y b L o g G e R was formed in the Raucous n Rowdy-Dowdy days when Punk Rock held sway in Pop Land. His febrile young mind was weaned on the Scowling Outrage of Johnny Rotten! The impassioned, Garageland Gravel of Joe Strummer was mother's milk! Indeed, it was from taking his inspiration from such as the Sex Pistols & The Clash and various other Beat Combos of his Thatcher benighted era, like the Anarcho-Doggerel of Crass and the Super-Smart Agit-Prop of Gang of Four that set the S t O n e D h O L y b L O g g E R down the lonely furrow he still tramps today ; a ravening, cynical dog prowling the political wasteland of Her Majesty's Sinking Ship Britannia, foaming & growling, tenaciously intent on getting my canines into something!...whilst still wanting to BOOOOOOOOOOGIE at the same time!!

But enough of wistful strolls doon Bitter Memory Lane. President Obama has steamed into our ongoing Independence stooshie with his considered opinion that the United Kingdom 'has worked pretty well' so voters in Scotland should vote 'No' to Independence. Kinda ironic, don't you think for the President of the United States of America to make such a remark seeing as the nation he represents was founded on the very thing he's advising Scots against - Independence from Westminster!!! Leaving aside the stark fact that there is no 'United' Kingdom, somebody needs to remind him about the old Colonial rallying call of "No Taxation Without Representation!" Maybe a little 'Tea Party' of our own where American coffee imports were dumped into the murky waters of Leith docks would jog the Presidential memory!! Will that be a regular or large riot? Have a nice day!!

Now, the old Stoned Holy Memory Banks may, very well, not function quite so effectively as once they did but even I can recall the days of 2008 and Mr. Obama's campaign to take stewardship of the keys for 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. You may recall his campaign slogan : 'Yes, We Can!' Well, it seems that the poor & huddled masses of Scotland CAN'T!! Maybeez seats on the United Nations Security Council and nuclear submarines in the Firth of Clyde and losing an ever ready military ally clouded his view!! For shame, Mr. President, for shame!! Maybe, with the 4th of July looming, you'll have recourse to reflect on your shamefaced statement this 'Independence' Day!!

Of course, his slogan was filched from Cesar Chavez and the United Farm Workers union and their struggle, in Arizona in 1972, for the right to strike..... I'm damn sure Cesar would join me and aw the folks in Scotland in rebutting the shortsighted remarks of the President and replying emphatically "Si, Se Puede!'......or tae put it in the Guid Broad Scots, 'Aye, We Can.....n yes, we're gonnae!!'

For We Hold these Truths to be Self Evident ; Sometimes, in the course of Human events it becomes necessary for one People to Dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them to another and to assume the Separate & Equal station to which they are Entitled!! How d'ya like them apples, Mr. Barrack Obama?!?! Recognise any of that, at all??!!

This Land Is Our Land! 

   

In Defence of Russell Brand.....Ahm Voting YES!!

Just back in the hoose after a wee bit 'guisin' - oh the ignominies an impoverished Rock n Roll Genius has to go through tae earn a bob or two!! I have to tell you the 'guisin' didnae go well....I don't think the locals appreciated my a-capella rendition of 'Clash City Rockers'! Now, a man, even yin who's stony broke, can only take so many doors slammed in his face before he begins to discern the game's up the pole, so in a fit of malcontent I opted instead tae turn over a few bairns and asset strip them off their Halloween takings......this didnae go so well either ; my escape from the angry mob of enraged parents was only effected by lying low in a thicket of brambles for half an hour and then making a dash across Carrick Knowe Golf Course in the murky dark, dodging witches n bogles n teenage ne'er-do-wells smoking blow!! And tae think, ma rightful place is sitting next to wankers like Bono at an endless stream of Award Ceremonies, quaffing free booze whilst various hangers-on and groupies tell me how cool I am!!

Anywayz, aw that's by the by, so whilst my heart rate lowers I thought I'd Ruminate & Belly Ache aboot matters abroad in the cultural ether of Her Majesty's Sinking Ship Britannia ; what aboot yon Russell Brand! I must say at the off that I consider Mr. Brand to be about as funny as a kick in the hee-haws but find myself firmly in the camp of those who agree with him and his contentious remarks regarding voting in the latest 'New Statesman'.  I also thought his performance on 'Newsnight' was stellar in the face of Paxman's churlishness. Tae a dyed-in-the-wool outsider like the
S t O N E d H o l y b L o G G e r who has spent most of his dreary existence on the periphery of artistic inclusion and economic opportunity, I found Mr. Brands statements about disillusionment, disenfranchisement & despondency to be a pretty obvious statement of fact.....so also, I suspect for a sizable chunk of those who have grown up and reached voting age as Margaret Thatcher's and then Tony Blair's ideological shift to the right, created the Britain of today.

As the ideological jackboot of 'Neo-Liberalism' and the insanity of Friedman style economics continues to sell us down the river to the highest bidder and Britain is pickpocketed by thieves and con-men, is it any wonder that people think turning up every five years to make a mark on a piece of paper isn't really gonna solve the problems they face day to day?! It ain't Democracy, is it?....not by a long chalk!! As corruptions are exposed and the 'people at the top' (y'know the ones, the ones who traditionally commanded respect from the poorly educated and unhygienic riff-raff like me n you!) are revealed as money grubbers and swindlers, can it really come as a surprise that people are thinking 'what's the fukn point of voting for any of 'em'!! Yes, of course, the establishment likes the apathy and brainless cynicism ; it means they don't have to work at courting votes, but why should I or you have to vote for anyone who doesn't really represent what you think but is merely less of a dimwit than the other tosser?? Democracy?? Methinks NOT, hombre!! Robert Webb can tell everyone he's rejoined the Labour Party and scream about George Orwell and concentration camps but this doesn't cut the mustard as a coherent response in my book. Embarrassing, really! Interesting to see what Russell makes of it........

In this age of Information Superhighways & Tinternet Cyber-Communities, is 650 dullards, liars, pocket-liners and cheats sitting in a room in central London really the best we can do in representing 'the people'?!?! Is a room full of thieves and self-seeking careerists Democracy in action? Is a Parliament of public schoolboys sniping at each other like,,,welll...errrr...schoolboys really the best on offer?! Is our '1st Past the Post' election system really serving the people or merely propping up an ossified structure of authority woefully out of step with  the Britain happening outside it's Neo-Gothic walls and utterly disinterested in its camp costume dramas and mediaeval pantomimes?!?! Is 750 arse lickers, pensioned off Old Boys and out-of-touch and out-of-date Lords & Lords Spiritual in our 2nd Chamber Democracy at it best??!! Is a system that has at it's head someone who's semi-mythical power is based on hereditary and who's been fucking who for centuries past really something to we can proudly show off to the world?!?!

Speaking as someone who, like Mr. Brand, has never voted in his life, I have to tell you that I will most assuredly be crawling outta the woodwork to exercise my democratic prerogative next September to put a big, fat, fukn tick in the box marked YES for Scottish Independence!!  I have a idea that we can do a better job than Westminster of constructing a nation where people feel included, a society that affords all its citizens social justice and a democracy where people feel their voice can be heard. This get out clause is unfortunately one not open to Russell Brand but I'd like to think he's welcome to come and live in a Scotland where a voice as eloquent and impassioned as his own could make a difference. We stand at a vital crossroads not only for ourselves but for future generations; maybe that 'Revolution in Consciousness' that Russell spoke so cogently of can be the motivation behind voting for the 1st time and voting YES!......and realising we can leave tired old established orders behind and create new paradigms!!!

Who was it that said 

"Thoughts Can Set You Traps

Down Blind Alleyways & Cul-de-Sacs

...but Minds can Learn - Minds can Grow

Minds can Overturn & Overthrow the Frame!!

Oh, whae widah thocht it......IT WIZ ME!!! Did Ah mention Ahma Rock n Roll Genius?!?!

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