Still your Beating Hearts, You Followers Of The Holy Rolling Stone!.....

Howdy, Pop-Pickers! Can I hereby offer my sincerest apologies to you, discerning denizens of the Blogosphere, who have waited with fingernails chewed to the quick, for this, your next dazzling installment charting the Ridiculously Self-Regarding & Funereal Descent into Stilted Mediocrity and Inescapable Anonymity of I, your Inimitable & Congenial Host, the S T o N e d h o l Y B L o G G e r! There are, may I assure you, several mitigating circumstances which go someway to explaining my extended absence from these virtual pages.

The 1st of these remittances is simply that, being the kind of browbeaten and dejected so 'n' so who is much given to loud hurrumphing and censorial finger-wagging as a means to absolve oneself of any culpability in their failure to prosper, I just 'couldnae be arsed!!' Opting instead to shelter my Wearisome Bones & Burdened Soul from all tumult and violent upheavals outwith the Glorified Halls of Stoned Holy HQ, which hang heavy, even yet, with sprigs of Holly & Ivy, and cosset myself by the bleezing Stoned Holy Ingle, sherry in hand and slippers on!

 Lately also, due, no doubt, to the ceaseless ravages of time upon the Stoned Holy Bod', I have suffered a bad bout of 'Cockney Lumbago'. This consists of the usual symptoms of pain in the lower lumber accompanied by the need to blurt out phrases such as 'Cor, lummy!' or 'Luv a duck!' in a cod Steve Marriott Lazy Sunday accent! Coupled to this, the Honourable Member for Stoned Holy Central hasn't been his eager and sprightly self of late. Though I acknowledge this may very well be a physical manifestation of my shortcomings and failures in the world at large, it has, undoubtedly resulted in a facial expression akin to a hyena chewing a toffee bar falling upon the otherwise angelic Stoned Holy Countenance!! Consequent to these afflictions, a Mood Indigo, not dissimilar to the kind that Nina Simone assured us go stealing down to your shoes, pervaded my daily discourse with the world and the downright dimwits and twits who populate it!! Bluntly put, I have been unmoved to pound the keyboard and knock off more of this execrable shit for the dubious pleasure of a ragbag of total strangers and loners out there in the shady basements, cobwebbed garrets and steaming wank-pits of computerland!!

Mercifully though, as you can clearly see evinced by the chipper mood permeating these very columns, my demeanour has lifted. The Miserable Old Git Scale reads level 2. The needle on the Crabbit-O-Meter has fallen back into the Green Zone - ie, posing no imminent threat to myself or any unfortunate souls who just happen to be part of the same queue in the Post Office as myself! The spring in my step has thankfully returned and once again I can be seen carrying myself with a rocking-rolling swagger through the slouching streets, bedecked in my dandified raiment!

The s t O N e d H O L y b L o G g e R posting Absent Without Leave from these pages can be further explained by remembering that there was, in these 'ere parts, the small matter of a referendum regarding Independence for Scotland. Tragically, maddeningly, mystifyingly, embarrassingly (and perchance, as many now believe, criminally!!) the vote was lost to the Soulless Forces of Fear and No Imagination! Lemme tell you folks, September 19th was a day of Stunned Disbelief and Dumbstruck Hopelessness! My own Stoned Holy Gibberbox rang hollow as my words tumbled out of it like sawdust!  We, the Dreamers, the Radicals, the Yearning, the Disgusted & Busted, played out the banal moments that fill the existential emptiness of all our lives........something as simple as getting on the bus was a pantomime performed by robots! But days have passed and wounds have healed. The Jocks Ain't Going Back In The Box!! Bitter feelings of division that put up fences between friends and family are now calmed with the realisation that the Political Shit-Storm blows up anew after the coming General Election and A Change Is Gonna Come!!

And lastly among these lame excuses for my extended furlough from these virtual walls and your glorious Hit of Curmudgeoness in the Mainline is perhaps the most telling.....in that I didn't have access to the Tinternet and its myriad of Steamy n Dirty Windaes affording one a grandstand seat viewing the wackiness and dark, mashed up, broken down heart of humanity! Oh t'is an arrow to my tender heart to think that you consider I have spent this period away from the Blogosphere doing not much of anything other than scratching ma Stoned Holy Bawbag and supping sundry real ales whilst fulminating on esoteric matters such as whether Trotsky was right to quash the Kronstadt Rebellion and could Scotland really have lifted the World Cup in 1978 under Ally McLeod!!!

So Still Your Beating Hearts you followers of The Holy Rolling Stone, normal service has been resumed....ahm back on line and in the groove. 2015 beckons.......

To The Toppermost Of The Poppermost!!  

Batten Doon the Hatches!!

Today found the S T O n E d H o L y b L O g g E r cloistered within the confines of StonedHoly HQ and  fully intent on not popping his Stoned Holy Noggin' above the parapet to have a keek! I hunkered doon! I  battened doon the hatches! I decided to wait it out in the hermetically sealed environment of the Stoned Holy Fall-Out Shelter!

Verily, it was 'chuckin' it doon' ootside, as it often does in these latitudes, but that was not the reason for my taking the StonedHolyPersonage far from the madding crowd. It would require a soaking of Biblical proportions to deter one so inured to a pluvial drenching as the S t o n e d H O L y B L o g g e R from issuing forth from his front door, I can tell you!

Perchance I have commenced a period of monk-like Seclusion, removed from the distractions of this Crazy Old World to explore the "Weird Scenes Inside the Gold-Mine" of Inner-Space? But no, gentle readers, the Monastic life is not for me ; although it may interest you to know I  have actually undergone a period akin to that just described - it was called the 80's!!! Which I spent mostly in my bedroom listening to Blind Lemon Jefferson & Howling Wolf and reading the works of Leon Trotsky & Isaac Deutscher whilst the likes of Duran Duran and Depeche Mode were abroad in the world at large and raking it in!!! Wankers!!

Maybe then it is, the Stoned Holy Frontal Lobe has finally snapped
and I have retreated from the hugger-mugger of the 21st Century into a
Howard Hughes-like paranoia of never opening the curtains and wearing a hat made out of kitchen foil to deflect the mind-bending rays being used to pacify the world's population by a race called the Zargons who hail from Planet Karg?!?!...and all the while subsisting on a diet of porridge and crisps and lying in my own shit!! Eh.....errrr.....ummmmm...NO!!! I like to think the Sanity of the s t o N E D h O L y B l o g g e R is fairly secure.....for the moment leastways!!

Is it then possible that Wonga.com sent the boys round to gie the poor
Stoned Holy Knee-Caps a couple o' dunts wi a mash hammer to convince me I should pay forthwith the outstanding balance of £2,750 which I owe them from an original loan of £35 I took out in lieu of Jobseekers Allowance which I subsequently did not receive after the black-hearted scoundrels and dejected jobsworths who enforce the callous ideological policies of the DWP sanctioned me for all of March & April forcing me thusly to lie low and pretend nobody was in, ignoring the loud and insistent rapping upon the Stoned Holy Front Door?!?! I am happy to report t'is not so!.... although the Stoned Holy Coffers are, indeed, currently perilous!

No, the real reason behind my self-imposed quarantine was the funeral of one Margaret Hilda Thatcher and all its associated BULLSHIT!! Listening to the mock solemnity of the tossers who turned up to make political capital out of the anachronistic old crone's demise would be distasteful at the best of times but knowing they've splashed 10 Million Quid on their shindig does tend to stick in the craw somewhat!!!....And all of this fanfare at the taxpayer's expense in times of so-called Austerity....Nauseating!!!.....but what really tipped the scales was the news from The Sunday Times Rich List, courtesy of Michael Meacher, that the wealthiest thousand people in the U.K (just 0.003% of the population!) have, over the course of the last three years, got richer by the staggering sum of £155 Billion!! I'll write that figure out in full just so you fully comprehend it - One Hundred & Fifty Five Billion  Pounds!!

That, my friends, is enough to pay off the entire U.K budget deficit and still leave £30bn as loose change!!

Let's Kick Out the Tories!!

 Ta-Ta for Now Cyberpeepers!!

 Sleep Well!!!