B is for....BOZO!!!

Yes, I know I'm supposed to be in Self-Imposed Hibernation, tucked safely away from the Multitudinous Irritants & Botherations that constitute so much of 21st Century Living, in the innermost recesses of the Stoned Holy Penthouse......but I have been Disturbed from my Stoned Holy Dozings, Stirred from these Stoned Holy Snoozings after being irked by the Blundering Bombast of London's own Bungling Bozo, Boris Johnson! For the Bungling Buffoonery of this Blabbermouthed Baboon has been causing a Brouhaha!!

"The Forces of Evil in a Bozo Nightmare"

But just where do you start with a Brainless Bonehead like Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson? One wonders firstly how on God's Good Earth it was ever made possible for this village idiot of a man to have become the Mayor of London! In the Blue-Rinsed & Blue Rosetted Ranks of the Conservative Party it is believed it is because he has 'the common touch', charisma even, and this could also guarantee them success in the polls if he were party leader and subsequently - Heaven Help Us! - Prime Minister; The
S t O n E d h o l Y B l o g g Er, on the other hand, believes this is the kind of fucked up Frankenstein scenario created by the naivety and credulity of a politically unsophisticated and aliterate populace! Recognition of Boris the Bungling Blockhead from off the telly must have counted in his favour when it came time to voting against the congestion charge!!....there can be no other plausible explanation, surely!


But just this week Boris has been opening the yawning black cavern that is his mouth and letting the empty chamber that exists within his brain-casing reverberate in this year's Annual Margaret Thatcher Lecture (heaven forbid that such an aberration exists but, I'm saddened and appalled to report, it seems 'tis so!!). And, it was here, that Boris the Bozo told us all that 'Greed is Good' again and we shouldn't be ashamed of it. Everyone knows it's the only motivator of mankind that cuts the monetary mustard! So, all you budding Gordon Gekkoes out there, time to emerge from those boardrooms where you've been skulking and flash it n flaunt it.....this will engender envy which will be the spur of more enrichening economic activity!! And, what's more, inequality in society merely mirrors the inequality of Nature - so no need to worry about all them poor, stupid people who can't pass an IQ Test or remember the way to the Job Centre!  All those thick, stupid oinks with IQ's below 85 at the bottom of the Great Cornflakes Packet of Society (to use Boris' rather confused metaphor) should be ever so grateful for the crumbs of largesse tossed their way by the bright, intelligent ones (like him presumably!) who people the shining Palaces of Banking & Business within the City of London. These people create wealth don't you know...and then it trickles doon tae the reaches of where us poor bottom-feeders, writhing in the uneducated, proletarian ooze, can suck it up and take the bus to the nearest food-bank!

Bunkum! Balderdash!! Bollocks!!! 

Can this Burly, Braying Ass really believe his Brand of Bumbling Bumptiousness can deliver the keys to Number 10?!?! Can this Eton educated chump's flaxen topped excuse for a head really be so far up his Fat, Stinking, Tory Shit-Pipe that he fails to see he's doing a better job than the Labour Party in exposing what a Morally Bereft & Ideologically Bankrupt Bunch of Bastards he and his Party of Elitists and Self-Serving Money-Grubbers really are?!?! Ah, such is the nature of Hubris!! No wonder then that the Towering Intellects that make up the Cabinet are already distancing themselves from his comments. Perchance some Intellectual Giant has already taken this loathsome oaf aside and informed him quietly that IQ tests prove nothing other than how good you are at IQ tests!!

Perchance in some Parallel Universe, where the Laws of Reason & Rationality hold sway, the shameful inequalities created by a system built on Exploitation, Greed and Profiteering and bolstered by an education system fed on Wealth, Class and Privilege simply don't exist and the good peoples who are fortunate enough to live in this happy dimension never have to listen to the Barefaced Belchings of idiots like Boris 'Bobo' Johnson, or watch in disgust as he puffs out his chest and Blatantly displays his Infantile and Sordid Ambitions!! If this is so, the S t o n e D H o l Y B l o G G e r can only damn his accursed luck for existing in the universe where this moron was, no doubt, applauded by his audience for his lamentable Hee-Hawings!!

Well, now that that's off ma chest....I guess it's time to retreat once more from the Vagaries & Vulgarities....oh goodness, I see lights a-twinkling and hear sleigh bells a-jingling......oh, is that the sound of Roy Wood & Noddy Holder on a fukn loop-tape?!?! Time tae duck doon the alleyway lookin for a new friend...or jump doon a manhole n light masel a candle........ you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows ahm reliably informed!  Ahm outta here.......until next time, Lads n Lassies!!  


  

Batten Doon the Hatches!!

Today found the S T O n E d H o L y b L O g g E r cloistered within the confines of StonedHoly HQ and  fully intent on not popping his Stoned Holy Noggin' above the parapet to have a keek! I hunkered doon! I  battened doon the hatches! I decided to wait it out in the hermetically sealed environment of the Stoned Holy Fall-Out Shelter!

Verily, it was 'chuckin' it doon' ootside, as it often does in these latitudes, but that was not the reason for my taking the StonedHolyPersonage far from the madding crowd. It would require a soaking of Biblical proportions to deter one so inured to a pluvial drenching as the S t o n e d H O L y B L o g g e R from issuing forth from his front door, I can tell you!

Perchance I have commenced a period of monk-like Seclusion, removed from the distractions of this Crazy Old World to explore the "Weird Scenes Inside the Gold-Mine" of Inner-Space? But no, gentle readers, the Monastic life is not for me ; although it may interest you to know I  have actually undergone a period akin to that just described - it was called the 80's!!! Which I spent mostly in my bedroom listening to Blind Lemon Jefferson & Howling Wolf and reading the works of Leon Trotsky & Isaac Deutscher whilst the likes of Duran Duran and Depeche Mode were abroad in the world at large and raking it in!!! Wankers!!

Maybe then it is, the Stoned Holy Frontal Lobe has finally snapped
and I have retreated from the hugger-mugger of the 21st Century into a
Howard Hughes-like paranoia of never opening the curtains and wearing a hat made out of kitchen foil to deflect the mind-bending rays being used to pacify the world's population by a race called the Zargons who hail from Planet Karg?!?!...and all the while subsisting on a diet of porridge and crisps and lying in my own shit!! Eh.....errrr.....ummmmm...NO!!! I like to think the Sanity of the s t o N E D h O L y B l o g g e R is fairly secure.....for the moment leastways!!

Is it then possible that Wonga.com sent the boys round to gie the poor
Stoned Holy Knee-Caps a couple o' dunts wi a mash hammer to convince me I should pay forthwith the outstanding balance of £2,750 which I owe them from an original loan of £35 I took out in lieu of Jobseekers Allowance which I subsequently did not receive after the black-hearted scoundrels and dejected jobsworths who enforce the callous ideological policies of the DWP sanctioned me for all of March & April forcing me thusly to lie low and pretend nobody was in, ignoring the loud and insistent rapping upon the Stoned Holy Front Door?!?! I am happy to report t'is not so!.... although the Stoned Holy Coffers are, indeed, currently perilous!

No, the real reason behind my self-imposed quarantine was the funeral of one Margaret Hilda Thatcher and all its associated BULLSHIT!! Listening to the mock solemnity of the tossers who turned up to make political capital out of the anachronistic old crone's demise would be distasteful at the best of times but knowing they've splashed 10 Million Quid on their shindig does tend to stick in the craw somewhat!!!....And all of this fanfare at the taxpayer's expense in times of so-called Austerity....Nauseating!!!.....but what really tipped the scales was the news from The Sunday Times Rich List, courtesy of Michael Meacher, that the wealthiest thousand people in the U.K (just 0.003% of the population!) have, over the course of the last three years, got richer by the staggering sum of £155 Billion!! I'll write that figure out in full just so you fully comprehend it - One Hundred & Fifty Five Billion  Pounds!!

That, my friends, is enough to pay off the entire U.K budget deficit and still leave £30bn as loose change!!

Let's Kick Out the Tories!!

 Ta-Ta for Now Cyberpeepers!!

 Sleep Well!!!

A Healthy Dollop of Schadenfreude : Thatcher's Deid!!

Mr. Charles Dickens, no less, late of Rochester, Kent once opined that "It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times" but we here gathered in the 'Diary of a Pop-Slop Nobody' Editing Suite do not concur! For surely, these are simply the worst of times! Was it not ever thus for lowly folks such as the S t o n E d H o l y B L o g g e R....but today, I must admit, there's an all too perceptible upturning at the corners of the
S t o n e d H o l y C h a t t e r H o l e...I...errrr...think it's called a SMILE!! 

It's true, the S t o n e H o l y C o u n t e n a n c e is not usually troubled by such things; wearing as it does a gravely chiselled expression, placed there upon it by wasted years of tirelessly chippin' awa' at this Pop Slop Mallarkey for scant reward! So, yes, the
S t o n e d H o l y B r o w is mostly found Furrowed Deeply & Darkly Shadowed ;  it's bleedin' hard work lugging 'round all my baggage of Resentment & Bitterness, I can tell yi!! Old Jacob Marley hasn't got as look-in! But today the onus on these Discontented & Heavily Burdened S t o n e d H o l y S h u d d e r s has lightened somewhat with the news that

THATCHER'S DEID!!

My guess is that the Blogosphere is right this Holy Beat Moment ablaze with feverish typing as an Army of Bloggers pound the keyboards to celebrate the fact of her passing!! The S T o n e D H o l Y B L o g g e R is one such! No doubt in some Iniquitous Quarters they are already penning Turgid Eulogies & Puerile Panegyrics to further cloud the Repugnant & Revolting airs by her bier but that is most definitely not the case here at
S t o n e d H o l y H Q!!.....nor I suspect a lotta places north of Luton or outside of Tory Central Office....and maybeez, not even within every corridor of that Scurrilous Den!

For the people of whom the S t O n e D h O L y B l o G G e r sings of and for in his capacity as The Concrete Prairie Crooner, The Baron of Baritone &  Psychedelic Overlord of the S T O N E D H O L Y R O L L E R S and lest we forget, The Guiding Light & Most Irreverent High-Heid-Yin of the Stoned Holy Church of Rockin  Rollin Brethrenness, Thatcher poppin' her 87 year old clogs is, most assuredly, cause for sloppin up a good healthy dollop of SCHADENFREUDE and savouring every bitter n twisted mouthful!!

It has been said that the Guid Die Young - need we say more?!?! 87 Miserable Fukn Years of Heartbreak & Rupture! 87 Afflicted & Sorrowful Steps that have lead to the Cold, Grey Clay!! The Zoroastrians believe you have but one duty to fulfill with your allotted time on this goodly Earth; namely, to leave the World a better place for your having been in it! This Poisonous & Pernicious woman has singularly failed in this undertaking!! She's been a Bane no' a Boon!!...n noo she's on a spit being roasted like a herring amidst the blackest, deepest Palls of Beelzebub's Halls!!!.......leastways, I like to think she is!!!

I urge you gentle readers, whilst they prattle endlessly on & on and discuss her legacy to think of the damage wrought by her and her love affair with Reaganomics and the Free Market Madness of Friedman : mass unemployment, millions homeless, the gap between rich and poor ever widening, communities ripped apart all across Britain, manufacturing all but disappeared, the rise of 'Benefit Culture', bank bail-outs and bankers' bonuses, the social fabric in tatters......Oh, t'is a Bitter Harvest she has wrought!!! And noo she's DEID!!!!.....but how can we forget her warped, bastard spawn are still at the helm  and creating a Britain where money gets what money wants and no-one gives a shit for their neighbours cos 'there's no such thing as Society' anyway!!!!

Champagne isn't really the style of the s t O N e D H o l y b l O g g E R, but tonight I just may crack open a fine bottled ale and without pity or remorse say "Thank Fuck, the Wicked Witch is Dead!!!!" Then I may wind up the S t o n e d H o l y V i c t r o l a and listen again to The Beat 'Stand Down Margaret' or Crass 'How Does it Feel to be the Mother of a Thousand Dead' or Elvis Costello 'Tramp the Dirt Down' or Morrissey crooning 'Margaret on the Guillotine'......I must confess, I may get a wee bitty nostalgic for those Thatcher blighted days of my naive youth....but, be assured all yous oot there in Blogland, I will all the while be feeling satisfaction & delight in another's misfortune!.....

Schadenfreude - oh, doncha just love it!!!!

Morrissey /  The Beat / Elvis / Crass

  

Who Killed Liddle & Queues at the Pumps!!!!

Many Moons ago, mis amigos, when yir SToNedHolYBLogGEr wiz a plooky n sexually inexperienced young buck, newly discharged upon the seemingly limitless Savannah that would be the 1980's n Margaret Thatcher's era of Blue-Rinsed Xenophobia & Little England Politics , ma Not-Quite-Stoned-N-Holy-Young-Mind wiz filled with REVOLUTION!!

Though rightly divining the Spirit of the Age to be one of Sheer Greed & Utter Vacuousness I do feel though, that in cleaving all the more to our pimpled notions of Anarchy & a Brave New World as a reaction to that, we, the little Band of Bubblegum Revolutionaries I was one of, somehow conspired to cut off our own noses to spite our faces! Being Punk Rock Zealots, we eschewed the outlandish fashion excesses & tastes of our generation and retreated instead into Revolutionary austerity. As the 80's dressed up we deliberately dressed doon. Yi get the picture ahm sure - We woz driving the wrong way up a one way street! We were a Revolutionary, if not Evolutionary Dead-End!!

But ahm no here tae gibber aboot the folly of Youth. Ahm no here tae tell yiz aw oot there in Cyberspace that instead of reading the Communist Manifesto n dreaming aboot Spectres Haunting Europe we shoulda been dancing tae Duran-Duran n shagging girls with back-combed hair n shoulder pads! Ahm no here tae say that since everybody else was goin' out n havin' fun we woz a right bunch o eejits for stayin' in n havin' NONE!! Ahm no here tae be lookin back n thinkin ah coulda been doin' something more constructive n useful, in regards to ensuring a certain amount of comfort and security in middle age, than pogoing around bedrooms tae 'Who Killed Liddle Towers' by The Angelic Upstarts.........then again, maybeez it is that I am!!

If only I had had the intelligence tae realise that by 2012, the only thing that could rouse the British Lumpen-Proletariat tae anything remotely approaching mass collective action would be the threat of there bein' nae f******g petrol in the pumps when they rolled up to refill their little metal box on rubber wheels with the personalised number plate they paid two grand for on the way to get their darling pooch pampered at the Doggy Boutique!!!!! N how the fuck are yi supposed tae get tae the tanning studio or get yir nails glued on if yi dinnae huvva car?!?!.....or get tae the Chipper for a Kebab Supper?!....or go out Dogging?! Do these Greedy Bastard Tanker Drivers not realise that we need tae get tae JB Sports tae buy another pair of trainers n a pink velour tracksuit for her-indoors?!?!....

N tae think Ah frittered away ma youth dreamin' aboot REVOLUTION!!!!!!!!!Ah dinnae ken whether Jesus wept or no'....but ahm as mad as hell n ahm no' gonna take it anymore.....(well, that last bit's not actually correct, cos I am gonna take it - I've no choice but to take it. So I'm gonna take it exactly like I've always taken it.....Squarely on the Stoned Holy Chin? No! Profoundly, up the StonedHoly Arse!!!!....OUCH!) Ach man, if yi didnae laugh yid huftae cry!!!

See yiz aw soon Pop-Pickers - Over N Oot.