Robert Burns : Rock n Roll Animal!

It's that time of year again, folks. The time when the S T O n e d H O L y b L o G g e R reminds aw you Cyberdarlings (or at least that portion of yiz amongst the teeming multitudes of the blogosphere who have blundered their way onto these exalted pages!)  that the birthday of Robert Burns, late of Ayrshire, Scotland, will soon be upon us. It's the 25th January when yiz aw need tae get the whisky bottle oot and raise a toast tae Rantin' Robbie!!! So keen am I tae draw yir attention to this impending anniversary that I am here, sitting in the Cramped n Chilly confines of the computer suite at
S t o n e d H o l y H Q, hammerin' awa at the keyboard on a Saturday night, when any other self-respecting Rock n Roll Animal worthy of the name wid be oot on Cuban Heels, Scavenging & Scouring the Skirted Streets seeking out Raw Flesh & Live Heat!!! Fie, even the Bardie himself would surely be one of them!

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But here I am ; caged within the Hallowed & Hushed Halls of  R O l l e R C e N t R a l, 
the indifferent S t o n e d H o l y W a l l s flickering in the glow from the computer screen, writing this garbage for the elucidation of  Virtual Loons n Quines! By rights, I should be spending my evening entertaining several delightfully upholstered nubiles, keen to show their appreciation of my S T o N e d h O l y g E N i U s by enveloping my dulled senses in Sumptuous & Voluptuary excess! Oh, such a Realm of Fleeting Pleasures to be abandoned to! Yes, I know, Sex without Love IS an empty experience.....but as empty experiences go (and there are many in this meagre & pitiable world) it's one of the best!!

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A fact, I'm sure, that would not have been lost on Robert Burns : For although he was a man of Prodigous Poetic Capabilities and a man firmly engaged with the Political Upheavals and Intellectual Altercations of his age, a man possessed of Easy Charm & Wit, he was a man also, who liked nothin' better than tae Cock Up his Beaver and loosen his breeks tae gie the Bonnie burdies a treat!! Though undoubtedly one who relished the pleasing company of rosy cheeked lovelies as a way to fill his hours and afford him the opportunity to display his breadth of learning, a means whereby he could show off his dazzling rhyme makkin skills....ahm pretty damn sure he liked it even better when the jades bade him lift up their petticoats and lug oot his pintle!!

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I here recommend yi hunt doon a copy of "The Merry Muses of Caledonia." for the collected Smut & Bawdy Verse of Burns and a Joyous & Jovial Jaunt in Rhyme through the World of Fornication. 'Say, Puritan, can it be wrong, tae dress plain truth in witty song?'  asks the frontispiece and what follows is guaranteed tae put a smirk on the most door of faces. Here's wee sample tae whet yir appetite;

O gin a Body meet a Body comin thro the rye

Gin a body fuck a Body, Need a Body Cry!

Gin a body meet a Body comin thro the Glen

Gin a Body fuck a Body, Need the Warld ken!

Gin a Body meet a Body comin thro the Grain

Gin a Body fuck a Body, cunt's a Body's ain!

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Awright, cyberpeepers, ahv said ma piece. Ah'll leave the rest to you. Meanwhile, here's a doff o the cap and a raising o a glass tae Robert Burns (1759 - 1796), a real Rock n Roll Animal & a real gone..... 

S t O N e D H o l y r O L L E r!